A friend once received a message from a liar.
Hello, I'm Wallace Huo. I'm filming in the deep mountains. I was beaten up for a martial arts scene, and I lost contact with the crew. I have no money, and I lost a phone number at random, so I found you. It's really fate. Can you give me 1 quick money? I'll pay you back
1, along with my autographed photo and handwritten thank-you note. You can also ask the director to arrange roles for you. Can you help me?
the account number is 6112XXXXX Zhang Xiaoming, and this is the card of another star friend of mine. Tell me about it
My friend thought about it and replied
Then can you tell me whether you like Ruby Lin or Hugh first? ?
I burst into laughter.
There was another short message from the number shown as 95598.
Hello, I'm a credit card representative of ICBC. Our bank shows that your credit card spent 1.88 million overseas (in Australia). Excuse me, is it your own consumption?
The friend replied: Yes, why?
hello, because of your huge consumption, we need to know where your funds are going. What did you buy?
The friend replied: I bought a kangaroo. What's the problem?
what did you buy a kangaroo for?
my friend said: stew, stewed potato vermicelli.
I ate it last night, but it wasn't delicious yesterday.
Then, after watching the laughter, I collapsed to the ground.
Story: At the parent-teacher meeting, migrant workers broke in, and everyone's face showed disgust and contempt. The teacher began to call names according to their grades. As a result, the last parent was the company boss, but the last student who was the first in the class was the son of the migrant worker who just came in. At this time, those people had already blushed.
God replied: However, the son of the big boss will still be the big boss and the poor.
God replied: Then the boss's children failed to enter the university and went abroad to study. After finishing their studies, they came back to start a business with their father's money or inherit their father's company. The children of migrant workers were admitted to the university, and after graduation, they found jobs and became employees of the boss's children.
I called my grandmother at night and asked how my mother was. I said she was fine and gained weight, and always said that she had a lot of fat in her stomach. Grandma said your mother was exaggerating, which was not so fat. At this time, my mother just came back and heard my grandmother's voice. My mobile phone was on speakerphone.
I'll just say, Mom, I won't talk to you. I'm going to take a shower.
grandma: I heard from your daughter that you are getting fatter and your stomach is getting bigger?
mom: it's true! I have grown very fat! Mom, I'm 92 kg now. Do you think I'm fat?
grandma: cut! 92 pounds! ! Are you showing off? Who hasn't weighed more than 1 kilograms? 92 kilograms is nothing!
at that time, I broke out with my mother tacitly, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You can feel the resentment of the old people through the screen.
Who is not a fairy weighing 1 kilograms? Please explode in the same place under 1 kilograms.
The year before last, a courier driver went to his home's freight station to load the goods. When he got there, he saw that there were so many goods today. When I filled the car, I found that it was someone else's goods! ! ! Just then the boss called and asked: Today, there are 3 pieces of express delivery, which has been more than 2 hours. Why haven't you come back yet? The driver said, "It's just full, and it's loaded as the goods from the next door.". When the boss is silent, he will say: You pull the goods back for me! Let his driver put our goods back later, and then put his goods away! ! !
A super cute beauty student came to the driving school the other day, and she was super obedient. One day, the coach said, "the exam is coming soon, so you can open it yourself today." I'll watch you from below. If you have any questions, just call me on the intercom. Remember, pay attention to safety, and anyone who feels that their skills are good can drive home. " As a result, the female students felt boring after the meeting, so they drove directly to a small restaurant outside the driving school for breakfast.
after almost half an hour, the coach saw that the car hadn't come back and asked on the intercom: where is the car? Who is driving now? After asking for three times in a row, the female student's voice finally appeared on the intercom: Coach, I'm having breakfast at the door. Would you like some?
I remember playing dungeons in those years, and a classmate left a message in my QQ space for several days, saying: I washed the number of someone inside and someone inside today, hehe! Then a divination master I met in the game commented below: Look at your handwriting, little brother, it's not easy to go out on the street recently, and there may be a mass annihilation! ! !
1. What's the deepest routine you've ever seen?
God replied: There's a set, but there's no way
2. Why are there so many anti-Japanese dramas now?
God replied: Nonsense, there's something in my hard disk that isn't anti-Japanese.
3. Describe the local temperature in a word.
God replied: Hello? What did you say?/Sorry? The signal in the refrigerator is not very good
4. What should I do if I am rejected?
God replied: excellent women even have A's
5. How can I become famous in school?
God replied: Focus on the key points and become famous in one fell swoop
6. Do you have any obsessive-compulsive disorder?
God replied: Of course I don't have obsessive-compulsive disorder, because
.
god replied: I said, "I'm attacking myself" at the same time.
8. At which moment did you have the strongest desire to survive?
god replied: There is only one card left.
9. You can't drink tap water directly, and you can't eat apples directly. Why can you eat apples washed with tap water?
God replied: You can't eat shit. Don't you eat the organic vegetables grown in shit?
1. What should I do if I can't sing when I go to KTV and want to show them in front of everyone?
God replied: What can show me better than rushing to pay the bill?
11. Summer is coming, how do you cool yourself down?
God replied: Look at the balance of the bank card, I have collected some before, and now I share them.
1. What is bigger than the universe?
god replied: the scope of the exam.
2. What did I do wrong? I went to a lousy university!
god replied: wrong question …
3. This poem was written by Xin Qiji?
God replied: How do I know what day it was written? It should be Tuesday!
4. Why do you like to take off your coat when fighting?
god replied: if you take off your pants, is the atmosphere a bit strange?
5. According to the survey, young people like to play mobile phones when they go to the toilet!
God replied: If you don't play with your mobile phone, don't you play with shit? Really.
6. Describe your cup in a few words!
God replied: Follow Dad ...
7. One day, you will become the person you hate the most.
God replied: Thanks for reminding me, I hate rich people!
8. At school, teachers often explain that they should think clearly about the intentions of the questioner before doing the questions.
God replied: He wants me to die!
9. How to hook up with a sister who is studying medicine without being abrupt?
God replied: Just say you are sick.
1, someone is chasing me, how to refuse, let the opposite side willingly give up that!
o
God's reply: remove makeup on the spot!
Because I often appear in major social networking sites, I personally think that the divine reply I saw is a classic. I will share a few paragraphs with you today. Because it was a long time ago, I don't remember it clearly. If there is anything indecent, I hope it will be a great deal!
ask; Why do you feel a little more handsome than usual after taking a shower and washing your hair?
answer; Because the brain is flooded.
ask; Girl eats duck's head, girl thinks duck's head is salty, please get the second copy!
answer; Gay friends smears the engine oil, and the engine oil is thick and gay friends is worried!
ask; What's it like to be in love with a lawyer?
answer; Don't get divorced, or you won't even get your underwear.
ask; What's the routine of playing with a good hand and pretending to be a grandson?
answer; This is called Sun Tzu's Art of War.
ask; How did the League of Legends God practice?
answer; I remember when I first joined the league, I couldn't find anyone after a dozen regiments, and I couldn't make up for the soldiers. My teammates kept scolding me, so I worked hard day and night, and finally everything pays off. After a month, no teammates dared to scold me anymore, because they couldn't beat me.
ask; Xiao Ming did a terrible thing at school and was praised by the class teacher. Why is Xiao Ming still unhappy?
answer; The class teacher said; Oh dear! Young man, all that glitters is not gold!
ask; In ancient times, why could locust trees and willows be refined, but fruits and vegetables could not?
answer; Determined to practice in the morning, I stewed it in the afternoon.
ask; A girl said, "Love is warmth" or "I hope you are an April day on earth". How should I reply to her?
answer; It's him, it's him, it's him, our friend Nezha Jr.
divine reply is an unexpected answer or analysis based on a question or a phenomenon. Let's enjoy the divine reply of others!
Conversation 1.
One day, while sitting in a bus, a beautiful girl saw the bus full of people as soon as she got on the bus, and she muttered, "Why are there so many people? There is not even a seat!"
unfortunately, I just heard it, so I patted my thigh and said to my sister, "Sister, I have a soft seat here!" "
who knows that the sister said with a look of disgust: "Forget it! I am afraid that the soft seat will become a hard seat, and then the hard seat will become a socket, and I can't even walk! "
dialogue 2.
a netizen asked in the post bar what is more disgusting than eating a lump of shit?
Reply: "Eat two tuo"
The netizen is unwilling to ask: "What is more disgusting than this?"
reply: "my teeth are stuffed!"
Dialogue 3.
Me: "What's the matter, buddy? Why are you not in the state today? "
He: "Hey, don't mention it. I bought too much mutton last night, and I didn't want to waste it, so I vomited myself. My dog didn't finish the vomit."
I: "I can't finish eating, so it's a waste."
He: "If you had said that, I would have known you were eating that.
reply: like.
circle of friends: thank you for awarding me the "Best Performance Award" in this grassroots Spring Festival Evening.
reply: the chairman's meeting means that you reveal the breath of "drama essence" from top to bottom.
circle of friends: Phillips grabbed the bouquet at the wedding today. She is only 7 years old, and I am not ready to accept a son-in-law.
reply: hello, mother-in-law.
circle of friends: I just dyed my blond hair, and a friend said my head is as cute as corn.
reply: corn, the dialect "bonzi", says you look like a bonzi.
I don't know if you have seen the videos of Yam and Huanong Brothers. They especially like cooking food or roasting bamboo rats in the wild, so they have spawned a bunch of funny comments on fire prevention slogans, some of which are borrowed and some are made by themselves. They are funny and catchy, and the imagination of netizens is really endless.
I'll list a few below:
A fire on the mountain will be sent to the police station in the afternoon.
a single spark can enter the house.
there is a fire on the mountain, and there is me in the house.
There is a fire on the mountain during the Spring Festival, and there is me in the Qingming Institute.
a fire on the mountain locks the door at the foot.
a wisp of smoke on the mountain in the morning, and a fairy race in the afternoon.
the fire was burning brightly in the mountains, and I cried two lines in the office.
I have to say that the power of netizens is really too strong, but I still want to remind everyone here to play with fire less. Even if you must make a fire, make sure that it is extinguished before you leave.