Party A, Party B and Party C went out together, and Party A caught a cold ...
At night, everyone slept in the same bed, and Party A slept in the middle.
In the middle of the night ... A gave a big sniffle, and
B and C were covered with the crystallization of A..
Party B and Party C: Let us know next time ...
After half an hour,
Party A: Pay attention ...
Party B and Party C got into the quilt at once,
and made sure there was no communication with the outside world ...
As a result, Party A farted.
Three rabbits poop
The first one is long.
the second is only spherical.
The third one is actually a triangle.
q, it answers: I pinched it with my hand.
A: I never say it twice
B: what?
A: I never say it for the second time.
The little white rabbit meets the big bad wolf.
The little white rabbit says the big bad wolf. Please ask me if I am a little white rabbit.
Please ask me! ! ! !
the wolf said, are you a white rabbit?
The little white rabbit is very happy. Yes, yes, I am! ! !
Then
The little white rabbit said, Wolf, Wolf, please ask me if I'm a giraffe.
Please ask me! ! ! !
The wolf is helpless. Okay. . . That. . . Are you a giraffe?
The white rabbit slapped him on the back of the head, you idiot!
I told you I'm a white rabbit! ! !
One day, while walking, toothpick found his shoelaces open, so he bent down to tie them, and then his waist broke.
One day Xiaoqiang came home crying and said, "Mom, mom, my classmates at school say my head is like a kite."
then mom said, "how come? Won't it? Come and run with me. "
The teacher played a Beethoven tune in the music class
Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"
Xiaohua: "Yes"
Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"
Xiaohua: "Piano."
One day, a mother-in-law took a bus ...
Sitting halfway, the mother-in-law didn't know the way ...
The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, Where is this?
driver: this is my ass ...
wife: I was blind and stepped in dog shit before I married you.
Dave: I'm the one who's really blind and stepped in shit to marry you.
shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, both of you stepped on it ......
Q: What's that with three heads and one foot?
Answer: 3 monsters with one head and one foot! ! ! ! ! !
The ant went to the desert. Why didn't he leave his footprints in the sand, but only a line?
answer: because it rides a bike!
The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah!
Answer: I saw his bicycle parked downstairs ......
One day, a female drug addict was caught in the police station. Police saw a tattoo on her hand and asked her why you tattooed your boyfriend's name on your hand. Is his name Xiaoliang ... Ah ... Is it? Come on, Tell me ... is he taking drugs? Tell me quickly
Only the female drug addict looked up with angry eyes
and said to police
This is hate ...
One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a drive,
The car was almost out of gas, and there was a gas station next to it. When driving past, suddenly a strong wind blew her boyfriend's hat away.
Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her,
"I'll get my hat, and you cheer me up.
Not long after her boyfriend ran away, she heard Xiaomei shouting behind him:
"Come on! Come on!
There are two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,
One of them shakes. Wow! It's so cold ~
another sausage said in surprise, huh? You're a sausage. How can you talk?
One sausage was kept in the refrigerator and felt very cold. Then I looked at the other sausage beside me and felt a little comforted. I said, "Look at you, you are so frozen! You are covered with ice!" As a result, the root said, "I'm sorry, I'm a popsicle."
A little boy came home from school and peeped out the window at a woman lying in bed rubbing her chest and shouting, I want a man, I want a man!
The next day, when the little boy went out of the window, he found a man lying on the woman.
So the little boy went home and lay in bed, rubbing his chest and shouting, I want a bike, I want a bike!
(I'm devastated! ! What about mopper? )
Why do boys have a lot of GF to be admired and girls have a lot of BF to be despised? Because just like a key can open many locks, it is called a master key, and a lock can be opened by many keys, which means there is something wrong with the lock.
five children share a cake, and only three cuts are allowed. How can they share it equally? Answer: Cut a child to death with one knife, and then cut the cake into four parts with two knives. . .
43. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? A: Give it a fart to smell. It's the hands that will cover your nose, and the rest are your feet. The whole class fell down.
Xiaoming and Xiaohong are deskmates. One day, Xiaoming borrowed a pen from Xiaohong.
Xiaohong said "No"
"Lend it to me and you will die!"
Then Xiaohong said, "Oh, I'll lend it to you."
When Xiaoming returned the pen to Xiaohong, Xiaohong really died. (It's so cold ...)
I read from a magazine whether my girlfriend is a rotten girl, and asked her what the antonym of' attack' is. If she replies to' defense', it means it's normal. If she replies to' suffer' that obviously rotten girl.
One day I suddenly remembered and asked her, "What is the antonym of' attack'?"
She replied, "Mother!"
It seems that I didn't express myself clearly, so I went on to say, "No, it's an attack."
She said, "Yes, the mother of the hen!"
Her answer proves that this dog-like test is completely unreliable ...
In modern society, the work pressure is great, especially for gay men, and there is no place to vent, which is really depressing.
I saw an old friend on QQ at night, and we started to communicate with each other.
q: how to decompress effectively?
a: none of this? The shortest answer. Right-click and select winrar to decompress!
My mother received a phone call saying that the credit card of xx Bank was in arrears. My mother said, "You must be a liar. Banks are all voice systems."
just hang up the phone over there. A few days later, I got another call saying, "This is a voice message. Your xx bank account is in arrears. Please press 9 for details."
My mother said, "I don't have a 9 on my phone."
There said, "How is that possible?"
My mother said, "Aren't you phonetics?"
hang up the phone over there.
An American tourist came to Taiwan Province and got on a bus in Taipei. Just as he was about to coin, the driver said, "Get off and vote!"
Americans are at a loss: "What, get off and vote?" So he ran out of the car, picked up the coin and aimed at the coin box, shaking his head with a wry smile: "How can you throw it like this?" I'm not Jordan. "
There is a pair of lovers in the park who are sweet. The girl coquetry said that her husband: I have a toothache! The boy then kissed the girl and asked, Does it still hurt? The girl said no! After a while, the girl said coquetry: Husband, my neck hurts! The boy kissed the girl's neck again and asked if it still hurts this time. The girl said happily: No pain! An old lady stood by and watched for a long time, but she couldn't help it. She stepped forward and asked the young man, Young man, you are amazing. Can you cure hemorrhoids?
Nietzsche went to an interview, and the interviewer asked, "What's your name?" "Nietzsche." "Guess you are a grandmother! Next! "
one day, I dropped eye drops, just finished, and closed my eyes. As soon as I opened it, I found that I couldn't see anything, and it was all black. I thought to myself, it's over, I bought fake medicine, and I'm blind! At this time, my dad went upstairs with a candle and said, "Why did you go back longer and longer?" Stop the electricity and you will cry! "
customer a: are your peppers spicy?
vendor: don't worry about keeping spicy food!
A: then forget it. I can't eat anything too spicy.
vendor: ...
customer b: are your peppers spicy?
vendor: don't worry if it's not spicy!
B: it's nothing if it's not spicy. no.
vendor: ...
customer c: are your peppers spicy?
vendor: I don't know ...
C: I don't know my own things, you're crazy.
vendor: ...
A strange handsome man knocked on my door and asked in a heavy voice, "Is that Mr. XX?" I nodded, and he suddenly leaned over and kissed my lips hard, and his tongue stuck into my mouth and stirred it wantonly. I was shocked at first, then struggled and pushed him away in anger: "Bastard! What are you doing? " The man held out his hand innocently and said, "I delivered it by courier. The kiss just now was sent by your girlfriend in America. Please check it."
a: "I used to play chess with your father. Once, your father had only one elephant left, and I only had one scholar left. So, I suggested that elephants and men should cross the river, and your father agreed. Your father will use his image as me, and I will use your father. Your father used his image as me again, so I used your father again. Your father is like me, and I am like your father. Your father is like me, and I am your father. B: Get out!
In a traffic accident, many people were watching, but a reporter couldn't get in. He had a brainwave and shouted: I am the son of the injured, please make way! The onlookers quickly got out of the way, and the reporter looked intently and saw a donkey being run over and lying in the middle of the road. .
1. A passenger plane was flying when it was suddenly hit by a small airstream. The passengers made a pile of panic, thinking that the end of the world was coming. A beautiful young girl stood up and got up the courage to say to everyone, "Dear male passengers, who can let me try the taste of being a woman before I die?"
2. The fat man asked the doctor, "Doctor, what is the most effective way to lose weight?" The doctor glanced at the fat man and said, "Shake your head." "shake your head? When? " "When someone asks you to eat."
3. A guy went to the hospital for examination and did many tests.
the doctor said: there is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency! ! And it is difficult to cure!
this guy said: oh, my god! What's the good news?
The doctor said shyly, I found you quite cute ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
4. A general manager who is engaged in client development is always out of business, depressed and his income is not good. After working overtime, he went downstairs to eat noodles and chat with his boss. Do you need a client? The boss said that this is all for the client. Can you let the client?
5. I asked, "Mosquito, are you an angel with a broken wing?" The mosquito replied, "No." I said, "Then you can afford to hurt yourself ..."-Bang! ! !
6. In order to make my husband interested in ironing clothes, I bought an ironing board. This ironing board is unusual, with a beautiful woman in a bathing suit printed on it. As soon as the board gets hot, the bathing suit will disappear. As a result, he stuck this board on the radiator.
7. The director and the section chief * * * took the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief: You farted! The section chief said: I didn't let it go … soon the section chief was dismissed, and the director said at the meeting: You can't afford to bear the big fart. What's the use of you?
8.A: My salary has been raised, and my monthly salary can reach 6,. What about you? B: We also went up by less than 7,. A: It's not bad, but you still pay well. I heard that the cabbage in the supermarket is only 3 thousand yuan a catty on sale tonight! B: Shh, keep your voice down, so that no one can hear you!
9. The manager of the store is reprimanding one of his salespeople. "I saw you arguing with a customer," he said very angrily. "You don't remember, in my shop the customer is always right. Do you understand?
"Yes, sir," said the shop assistant. "The customer is always right."
"Why did you argue with him just now?"
"Oh, sir, he said you were an idiot."
1. A woman asked her boyfriend, Do you love me? Boyfriend said: love. Woman asks: Do you love others, too? Boyfriend said: Love too. The woman asked again: don't you always say that I am everything to you? The man said: Yes, you are my concubine. . .
1. When I have money, I will buy a bus, take the bus lane and stop at the bus stop. When someone wants to get on the bus, I will say, I'm sorry, this is a private car.
2. Are you a guest or a hotel?
I defecate.
3. I was young, and you were old?
4. A gentleman is nothing more than a patient wolf
5. It's not necessarily a good thing that all people stand on one side, for example, they all stand on one side of the boat
6. Relax, I'm not a good person ...
7. You said ... you like me? Actually ... at first ... actually, I also ... well, I told you, actually, I liked myself.
8. As a typical failure, you were really successful.
9. When I was a child, I just learned to ride a bike, but I was not good at running into the street. When I saw an old man walking in front of me, I felt like I was going to bump into him, so I shouted, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a moment without moving, so I turned around and bumped into him. The old man stood up and said, You aim
1. If there is 3W, everyone says whether to buy Mercedes or Ferrari.
reply: it's best to buy 3 second-hand Otto, and then hire 3 drivers to drive behind you, in an S-shape for a while and in a B-shape for a while.
11. Smile more, and watch out for emotional colds on cloudy days!
12. I smile at the sky from the horizontal knife, and then I go to sleep!
13. Lu Yao knows that the horsepower is not enough, but people will be ill after a long time.
14. My father expressed his views on my obesity: Han Hong didn't die, but Han Hong got sick.
15. I never hold grudges. Generally, when I have a grudge, I report it on the spot.
16. Don't cry at my grave. Dirty my path of reincarnation.
17. Well, Manager Zhang, you can't press CTRL+C on your home computer and then CTRL+V on your company computer. Not even the same article. No, no, not even an expensive computer.
18. I thought you were just a number between 1 and 3, but I didn't expect you to be a combination of 1 and 3.
2. When a cannibal went to work, the manager repeatedly told him not to eat his colleagues and agreed. A few days later, I couldn't help eating a cleaner
and was immediately found out. The sentiment is: Never eat people who really do things.
21. Now you scold.