In recent years, the society in Taiwan Province Province has gradually shown a situation of declining birthrate. At present, the ideal family planning of many families is to have only one child. Is it really bad to have only one child at home? In fact, the focus is on parents' own parenting methods and attitudes! Let's see what the experts say!
Who says only children are bullies! In order to win friendship, it is easy for only children to wronged themselves? Generally speaking, the discussion about the only child focuses on the only child's lack of experience in communicating with brothers and sisters since childhood, so he is easy to get along with others and wants to be the boss and commander in chief of everything, but he doesn't know how to share it. However, some mothers mentioned that he was an only child. I don't know if it is because there is no interaction between brothers and sisters since childhood. He doesn't know how to quarrel or argue with others, and it is easy to please or cooperate with others. The older you get, the more you feel when you go out to work in society. What should parents do if they don't want their only child to have similar interpersonal problems in the future?
Teach children to gain friendship in many ways.
Chen Yanqi, deputy director and psychological counselor of Taipei Wanhua Parent-child House, believes that every child's personality is different, and it is not only the only child who is easily wronged to cater to his friends. Most importantly, if the mother really finds that her only child will do something that makes them feel uncomfortable in order to have more friends, she should intervene and guide them in time.
Is it easy for an only child to become a treasure? Situation: I am an only child, so I will share almost everything with my mother since I was a child (after all, there are no other brothers and sisters to share). Seriously, I am also very grateful to my mother for making my life secure from childhood. All the talents you want to learn can be studied smoothly and continuously, and you hardly have to worry about money on weekdays.
However, I found that my affection for my mother made me seem to take her advice seriously and listen to her almost everything. Until now, I have a child of my own, almost 1 year old. I found that there were more and more arguments with my mother, which made me panic.
For example, I really don't like the nanny she chose, the way she enrolled many potential development courses for her children, and the way she indulged her grandchildren too much. But my mother will constantly emphasize that what she chose for me is right, and she will not harm her grandchildren, which often makes me feel very entangled and contradictory, and I am deeply afraid that I or my child is the so-called mother treasure. What should I do?
Every mother and child are two independent individuals. Chen Yanqi consulted a psychologist and mentioned that in the above situation, there was a plot of "cohabitation" between mother and daughter. Because there is only one child, the mother will naturally regard the child as the most important person in her life and put all her expectations and focus on the child (because there are no other children in the family to distract her parents' attention and care). Even if the child has grown up, she will be a mother. The mother and daughter are still tightly tied together by such a plot. If this situation continues and does not change, sometimes the only child may be at a loss because he is unable to bear all the expectations and demands given by his parents.
Try to let the children go through their own life and be able to really make their own decisions; If a child never has a chance to really make his own choices and decisions, he will never learn to be truly responsible for his own decisions.
What can mom do?
In this case, it is one of the ways for the mother to communicate with the mother (the grandmother of the child). However, this relationship is an interaction in which both parties participate. Only when at least one party is willing to make adjustments can the elders change their ideas or values. The range of variation is usually quite limited. If a mother doesn't give her children to her grandmother most of the time, as long as she and her husband decide for themselves and stick to their own parenting style, they must learn to have confidence in themselves, because they usually have confidence in their children.
Just because I only have one child, I assume that the child will be spoiled? Think about whether other people's suggestions are well-intentioned. On the one hand, many mothers are uncomfortable with the way many relatives and friends like to interfere with their parenting, and they don't know how to deal with it. On the other hand, I also worry about whether I really love children too much, because I only have one child.
In this case, Su Languo's consulting psychologist suggested that when someone gave advice to his mother, but did not cite his own specific observations or doubts, he directly said a "judgment sentence" to his mother. Faced with such relatives and friends, parents can ask the other party to put forward the reasons for his argument and share their views and practices with the other party.
Pay more attention to children's behavioral reactions. In addition, parents can also pay more attention to their children's behavioral reactions. For example, every time they come back from playing abroad, their children will constantly and deliberately show off the fact that they are going abroad? If children often deliberately show off to their peers and classmates, parents should communicate and share with their children. What is the purpose of taking him abroad to play? For example, I hope my child can experience a variety of people, things and things, instead of showing that he can travel abroad.
When others actively participate in disciplining children, how to deal with them? No matter whether others are out of well-meaning concern or other factors, or just grab a social topic casually, when parents often hear a lot of advice about raising children from these various other people, they often don't know how to deal with it properly, except that it will affect their parents more or less.
Method 1: Thank you first and tell yourself that you have (will) carefully considered and discussed it with your partner.
Method 2: Ask the other party if they have observed the child's specific bad words and deeds.
What should I do if others keep putting pressure on me to have two treasures? "Do you want another child" is the life plan of both husband and wife. Dr. Huang Yafen pointed out that parents will always hear people around them make such reminders, especially the elders will let their children bear their expectations intentionally or unintentionally, and this will always happen, which has a great relationship with our culture to some extent. Everyone is used to expressing concern in this way. Maybe in western culture, everyone is not used to it.
In fact, "whether to have another child" is a personal choice and decision of parents. What parents can do is to know more about their life plans and measure all the conditions.
How to explain to children
Understand the real needs of children.
Some children always clamor for their parents to have a younger brother and sister, perhaps because they feel lonely when playing alone, or because they are always happy when they get along with their classmates at school or see the company of their brothers and sisters. Therefore, children ask their parents to have a younger brother and sister. But maybe I just hope my parents can spend more time interacting with him and playing with him, and I'm not really so eager for the arrival of new family members.
Don't give birth to Erbao just because you want someone to accompany your child.
Parents should not have a second child just to satisfy their children's desire for companionship, especially because the economic or other conditions of each family are very different. Some parents are very old, and even the only child now comes through artificial reproduction. Dr. Huang Yafen said that if the child really asks his parents for a younger brother and sister again and again, parents can try to explain to the child why there is no plan to have a second child at present in a way that the child can understand. This can also cultivate children's empathy and be more considerate of their parents' situation.
Parents of the only child, lingering guilt? Chen Yanqi's counseling psychologist pointed out that the established evaluation of the only child by the outside world will make the parents of the only child who have never realized what is wrong with a child very prone to stress, especially when anything happens to the child, people around them will easily attribute all the reasons to the fact that the child is an only child, which will also make parents feel: "Is it really bad for the child's growth to decide to have only one child?" In addition, some parents can't add a sibling for their children because of physiological or economic reasons, which leads to a sense of guilt for their children.
The more confident parents are, the less they will feel guilty. Dr. Huang Yafen said that some couples have communicated with each other quite clearly, and they have determined that their ideal plan is that as long as they raise a child carefully, they will not always feel guilty about their only child. In other words, when parents are more aware of other people's concerns and suggestions, they will not necessarily accept them all, and even feel wronged and shaken in order to meet the expectations of the so-called mainstream or others, and the less they will feel guilty.
The positive feature of seeing the only child is 1. High confidence. Independent personality. High self-demand.
Only child, how to teach? After understanding many problems and situations that the only child may face, the most important thing is what parents who only plan to raise one child can do in education.
1. Find more companions for children and cultivate children's diverse interests. Don't get involved in the conflict with others in the first place. 3. We must abide by the rules and principles for children.
Huang Yafen Education: Master from Institute of Epidemiology, Taiwan Province Provincial University, Doctor of Medicine, Chang Gung Memorial University Experience: Attending physician of psychiatry, Chang Gung Memorial Hospital, Linkou; Major: diagnosis and treatment of mental distress of children and adolescents, drug prescription and consultation, consultation on parent-child problems, individual psychotherapy of adolescents and adults; Current position: Dean of Ma Yafen's Children's Psychological Clinic, and attending physician of Far East Joint Clinic. Attending physician of psychosomatic clinic of Taipei Branch of Affiliated Hospital of China Medical University, and designated physician of mental health clinic of Chang Gung University of Science and Technology. Surango Education: National University School of Education/Master's major: Individual counseling: self-understanding, parent-child relationship, marriage relationship, emotional management, career exploration and planning. Person-in-charge of each subject course: Counseling Psychologist of Counseling Center of National Yunlin University of Science and Technology.
Chen Yanqi's education: Master's degree in Department of Psychology and Consulting Business, Taipei City Education University; consultant psychologist of liberta Education Foundation, a consortium legal person; special consultant psychologist of Taiwan Province Integrated Circuit Manufacturing Co., Ltd.; currently deputy director and consultant psychologist of Taipei Parent-child Home; volunteer teacher of Teacher Zhang Foundation, a consortium legal person.