What is nonviolent communication?

Let’s look back at our ordinary language.

Have you ever said the same thing? "Why don't you wash your face?" "Quickly leave! If you don't leave, you'll be late." "Look at who this person is!" "Look at your paper, it's like an insect crawling around." "You can't finish it.

Homework, don't even think about sleeping tonight." "Shut up!" "Get out!" "Why did I give birth to a child like you?" "Is it useful?

It may have worked at the time, but as the children grew older, we found that not only were such words useless, but they would also arouse the children's resistance and anger.

These words are so common that almost everyone has said them.

But have you noticed the violence in the words?

Parents often think that talking like this can stimulate their children to change.

In fact, maybe the child's behavior changed at that time, and his body or even his brain paid a heavy price for it.

Let’s look at two studies: 1. The brain circuits of emotional pain and physical pain are the same. Dr. Ethan Cross of the University of Michigan once conducted an experiment to prove that when a person is attacked by verbal violence, his emotional pain is in the brain area.

The reaction is very similar to physical pain, and the nervous system can experience almost the same level of pain.

That is to say, when a parent speaks harsh words, although the child is not spanked, the level of pain he feels is the same as being spanked.

2. Verbal violence can change the brain structure. Research by Dr. Martin Teicher of Harvard Medical School found that the brain areas most easily affected by verbal violence are the corpus callosum (the area mainly responsible for transmitting motivational, sensory and cognitive information between the two cerebral hemispheres), hippocampus

gyrus (the area of ??the brain responsible for managing emotions), and the prefrontal lobe (the area of ??the brain responsible for thinking and decision-making).

Therefore, children who are often criticized, sarcastic, and criticized have slow brain responses, poor emotional control, and slow thinking.

Dr. Marshall Luxemburg said: Maybe we don’t think that the way we talk is violent, but language does often cause pain to ourselves and others.

If we cannot accuse, sarcastically, or criticize our children, what should we say?

Nonviolent communication can teach us how to speak nonviolent communication (NVC for short), also called the language of life, the language of love, the language of giraffes, etc.

It was Dr. Marshall Luxemburg who proposed a communication method that creates harmonious and high-quality relationships, which makes people feel calm, harmonious, calm and calm.

Dr. Marshall studied with the psychology master Carl Rogers and later developed nonviolent communication. He founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC), an international peacemaking organization, to teach people how to make their lives more harmonious and beautiful, and solved many problems around the world.

Conflicts and disputes.

Currently, there are more than 200 international non-violent communication certification practitioners around the world spreading non-violent communication in various fields, and it has been praised by countless teachers and parents in the fields of school education and family education.

The method of non-violent communication has been condensed into four elements by Dr. Marshall. As long as we follow these four elements to communicate with children, we will be able to connect emotionally with the children and form a good cooperative relationship.

These four elements are: the ability to carefully observe what is happening without presuppositions and pinpoint the behaviors and things that are affecting us.

For example, when a parent hears the teacher say that his or her child's homework has not been handed in, he or she may say, "Why don't you do your homework again?" Judgment of the child's behavior will arouse strong emotions in the child's heart.

An observation without comment is, "The teacher said you didn't turn in your homework today." This is what I heard, it really happened, and it is very objective.

If the child is not ridiculed or criticized, he will explain the reason to the parent, and then discuss with the child what to do next time?

Ability to identify and express inner body sensations and emotional states without judgment or blame.

Many parents like to rush for quick results but ignore their children's feelings.

For example, if a parent asks a child to clean the room, and the child feels bad or emotional, and spills water all over the floor, the parent will say to the child: "Why are you so stupid that you can't do such a small thing well?" This is very harmful to the child.

Hurt, being labeled stupid and incompetent.

At this time, both parents and children can express their feelings.

Speak out your feelings, understand each other, and what to do next so that communication can be possible.

Everyone's most common needs (such as food, trust, understanding, etc.) - whether they are met.

When most parents hear an unpleasant remark, they have one of three choices.

For example, when a child says to his mother: "Mom, the food you cook doesn't taste good." The first is anger, "I have worked so hard to cook for you, and yet I dare to think the food tastes bad." The second is shirk, blaming the other person.

, “Then I won’t do it, you can do it yourself.