Obviously, you can support yourself and your children alone, but you dare not choose marriage and insist on torturing yourself in marriage. If she doesn't divorce, it's ok to be nice to her children, but she doesn't agree with men and quarrels in front of them almost all day.

However, she just can't make up her mind to divorce.

I asked her why, do you still have feelings for men?

She said that she didn't feel anything, but she felt that the divorce was shameful. If you divorce yourself, you will be judged as a loser by people around you. Even if I can make money, I'm still a failed marriage.

Of course, she is also worried about the children. She doesn't want her children to be described as "children without parents".

I have never been a person who likes to persuade others to divorce. Many times, I still hope that men and women can manage their marriages well. Especially with children, no matter what divorce, it will have an impact on children.

But if two people can't get along at all, they will quarrel and break things as soon as they talk. Children will hide in a small room and cry when they see their parents quarreling.

If so, year after year, day after day, is it really good for children?

Last month, I wrote an article about this woman with a monthly salary of 50 thousand. She can support herself completely, but she still has to do housework every day. She wants to hire a nanny, but the man won't let her. She asked the man to share the housework for her. The man said, "Even if you earn 50 thousand a month, you have to do the housework for me." Last time you went to work, you made money and stopped doing housework just because you didn't want to live a good life. "

But even so, she didn't divorce, and she continued to live this kind of money to earn, the baby to take care of, the housework to do, and the man's life to take care of.

Recently, with physical problems, she began to want to save a health fund for herself. She wants to take out a sum of money alone, that is, 800 yuan gives her old age a guarantee every month.

She told the man what she thought, and then they fought. The man called her selfish, saved all the money she earned for her children, didn't spend it at home, and saved a small vault of her own.

The woman said to him, "What if I get sick and don't have that much money?" I take it out for a month now, just to not drag down the children in my later years. "

The man said, "if it really costs a lot of money, don't treat it." If you have no money at that time, you will feel unlucky. Don't drag your child down. "

The woman said, "I earn 50 thousand a month, so I'm not qualified to stay 800 a month?" I earned all this money by myself. "

The man said, "What do you mean by earning money by yourself? Earned money, not family money. No matter how much you earn, the husband and wife share the property and I have the right to dispose of it. You want to keep a small vault for yourself, but you can't. When couples get married and have children, they have to save money for their children. You are not qualified to spend a penny. "

A woman complained to me:

"He will hide that I am good to myself. I married him to live a hard life. Whenever I treat myself better, I buy clothes and delicious food for myself. He will quarrel with me and call me selfish.

But after so many years of marriage, I haven't spent a penny on him. I also took the lead in the house and car at home. But that's all. He is not satisfied. He's been making trouble all day. He can't accept not doing housework, even if I save some money for myself. He thinks I am old and sick, and when I need to spend money, I have to wait for death. Anyway, no matter who earned this money, I am not qualified to spend a penny.

Sometimes I really want a divorce, but I hesitate at the thought of children. Such things happen almost every day. Anyway, I can only make money, not spend money. All work, no pleasure.

I don't even know what good it is for me to follow such a man. If I really get sick, I don't think he will care about me at all, but will only think about getting the money into his own hands quickly.

He is also very bad to my parents. He always quarrels with me when I buy things for my parents during the Spring Festival.

In his mind, all the money I earn should be saved for my family. I can't spend it all by myself, nor can my parents. I can only endure hardships with him and then save money for his family. I can't do any good myself. "

But when a man reaches this level, you are still unwilling to divorce. No matter how much you tell me about your sufferings, it's useless.

Men only allow their wives to earn money, not to spend money. Not even if the wife earns all the money. A person who has been with you all your life, if he is not good to you, forget it. He doesn't even allow you to be nice to yourself.

But even if he does, you won't get divorced or even resist. Then his idea will only get worse. She said that she didn't want to quarrel with men, and she didn't want to live in the condemnation of men every day because of such things, so she gave up keeping the money for herself.

Really, if this happened to me, I would never follow that man's wishes. If my monthly salary is 50,000, I want to manage my own money. That's my freedom. He has no right to interfere.

A woman who has been married for so many years has never spent a penny on her husband. A husband must take care of her own money. She also completely chose acquiescence and obedience. If you are so indisputable, why are you still obsessed with this pain?

If a woman stays married, she doesn't spend a penny for herself and her parents, but saves all her money for men and children.

So is this marriage really necessary?

A man really shouldn't take his wife's contribution as a matter of course. In fact, no one owes anyone, and whoever goes can live.

Some men are used to what their wives do. They think that women should do housework, take care of children and earn money. If a woman earns more money, she won't want to be nice to her. They think this is what women should do.

When a woman wants to be nice to herself, she is totally against it. Because, their idea is: women can only give, but can't get. Women are kind to themselves and selfish, but they can't live.

In feudal society, in marriage, men's requirements for women are "a good wife and a good mother". The so-called good wife and mother is to pay for men and children completely unselfishly, to be a husband at home and to be a husband until death.

In such a society, many men don't consider women's feelings. Because women are just their accessories.

But that era has passed, and women are no longer accessories, but become pillars. If so, men still completely ignore women's feelings and regard women as free nannies.

Then this marriage will fall into crisis until it collapses.

A woman's inner strength is more important than her economic strength. A woman who is not strong enough and open-minded enough is really not suitable for divorce.

Some women, accustomed to being injured, will live on it.

I talked a lot about marriage with this woman. Finally, I found that it was never the economy but the psychology that decided her marital status. She just doesn't accept divorce psychologically.

At first, I would be angry with her, but in the end, I chose to accept her. Because, everyone has different ideas and pursuits for life. Some people like the cool breeze, while others like the coming storm.

If she doesn't get a divorce, it must be wrong, right?

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There is never right or wrong in the choice of marriage. Only, whether you like it or not.

Marriage is difficult, and women must be cultivated if they don't divorce: don't care too much about men's feelings and insist on doing what they think is right.

In fact, marriage, in the final analysis, is the relationship between two people.

I have been married for many years. Over the years, I have come to understand one thing. Even if a woman is married, she still needs to have her own independence. This independence is not only economic, but also spiritual.

When women associate with men, they must not care too much about men's feelings. It is inevitable that two people disagree, and each should give each other space to do what they think is right.

This is the minimum respect in marriage.

For example, a woman wants to save a health fund for herself. This is really just her own business, she can decide for herself, and there is no need to give up for the opposition of men.

In marriage, women always remember that we can't always satisfy each other. We are thoughtful people, not soulless people.