Tell you, when you are fine, stay alone in the bathroom and practice speaking in front of the mirror

Or find some non-living things to talk to.

Furthermore, don’t feel inferior. , because... you will know if you have answered the biology test in a certain year's high school entrance examination

You are your parents' most proud work

Let's start from the time when no one was there

Slowly go from places with few people to places with many people

For example, zoos, shopping malls...

It is actually very simple to say hello

" Hello"

Isn't it just two words?

Try to put a smile on your face

Make you look more confident

In fact, no matter who you are, you can live a beautiful life

Methods to build self-confidence:

One way to build self-confidence

1. Pick the one in front Seat to sit.

Have you ever noticed how, at various gatherings in church or classrooms, the seats at the back are filled first? Most people occupying the back seats hope that they will not be "too conspicuous". And the reason they are afraid of being noticed is because they lack confidence.

Sitting in the front builds confidence. Try it as a rule and sit as far forward as possible from now on. Of course, sitting in the front will be more conspicuous, but remember, everything about success is conspicuous.

2. Practice looking at others.

The look in a person's eyes can reveal a lot about him. When someone doesn't look at you, you will intuitively ask yourself: "What is he trying to hide? What is he afraid of? Will he be bad for me?"

Not looking at others usually means: I feel inferior next to you; I feel inferior to you; I am afraid of you. Avoiding other people's eyes means: I feel guilty; I have done or thought of something that I don't want you to know; I am afraid that you will see through me as soon as I touch your eyes. This is all bad information.

Looking at others is equivalent to telling them: I am honest and aboveboard. I believe what I told you is true and I have no guilt whatsoever.

To make your eyes work for you, you need to focus your eyes on others. This will not only give you confidence, but also win the trust of others.

3. Increase your walking speed by 25%.

When David Schwartz was a teenager, it was great fun to go to the town center. After finishing all the errands and getting into the car, my mother would often say, "David, let's sit for a while and look at the people passing by."

My mother was a wonderful observer. She would say, "Look at that guy, what do you think is bothering him?" or "What do you think the lady over there is going to do?" or "Look at that guy, he seems a little lost."

Watching people walk is a real pleasure. It's much cheaper and more enlightening than going to the movies.

Many psychologists associate slouching and slow walking with unpleasant feelings about yourself, your work, and others. But psychologists also tell us that by changing posture and speed, we can change our mental state. If you observe carefully, you will find that the movements of the body are the result of the activities of the mind. Those who have been beaten down and ostracized often drag their feet and have no self-confidence at all.

Ordinary people walk like "ordinary people" and confess "I'm not very proud of myself."

Another type of person shows extraordinary confidence and walks faster than ordinary people, like running. Their pace tells the world: "I'm going somewhere important, doing something important, and more importantly, I'm going to succeed in 15 minutes."

Use this "walk fast" 25%” technique, hold your head high and walk faster, and you will feel your confidence growing.

4. Practice speaking in public.

Napoleon Hill pointed out that there are many people with sharp ideas and high talents, but they are unable to use their strengths to participate in discussions. It’s not that they don’t want to participate, it’s just that they lack confidence.

People who are taciturn in meetings think: "My opinion may not be valuable. If I speak it out, others may feel stupid. It's better for me not to say anything. Moreover, others may be better than others." I know better, and I don't want them to know that I am so ignorant.

These people often make very vague promises to themselves: "Wait until next time to speak." "But they know very well that they cannot fulfill this promise.

Every time these taciturn people do not speak, he is poisoned by lack of confidence again, and he will lose more and more confidence.

From a positive perspective, if you speak as much as possible, your confidence will increase and it will be easier to speak next time.

So, speak more, which is the "vitamin" of confidence. .

No matter what kind of meeting you are participating in, always take the initiative to speak, whether it is a comment, a suggestion or a question, and do not speak as an icebreaker at the end. Be the first to break the silence.

Don't worry about looking stupid. There will always be people who agree with you. So stop saying to yourself, "I doubt I'll speak up." . ”

Try to get the attention of the meeting chair so that you have a chance to speak.

5. Grinning.

Most people know that laughter can give It is a very practical motivator and a good remedy for lack of confidence. But there are still many people who do not believe this because they never try to laugh when they are afraid.

Real laughter is not enough. It can cure your own bad emotions and immediately resolve other people's hostility.

If you sincerely smile to a person, he can no longer be angry with you.

Napoleon Hill told a personal experience of his own: "One day, my car was parked in front of a red light at an intersection. Suddenly there was a 'bang' sound. It turned out that the driver of the car behind slipped his foot and opened the brake. , his car hit the rear bumper of my car. I saw him get out of the car in the rearview mirror and got out of the car too, ready to scold him.

But luckily, before I had time to attack, he came over, smiled at me, and said to me in the most sincere tone: 'Friend, I really didn't mean it. ’ His smile and sincere explanation melted me.

I could only whisper: 'It doesn't matter, this happens all the time. ’ In the blink of an eye, my hostility turned into friendliness. "

Grinning, you will feel that the good days are coming again. But if you want to smile "bigly", half-smiling is of no use. You have to smile with your teeth to see the effect. < /p>

We often hear: “Yes, but when I’m scared or angry, I just don’t want to laugh.

Of course, no one can laugh at this point. The trick is to force yourself to say, "I'm going to start laughing." "Then, laugh.

Control and use the ability to laugh.

Only by acting correctly can you be confident

Napoleon Hill told a story about his personal experience Experience:

“One day a few years ago, I was marking students’ exam papers. A student named Paul's test paper troubled me. Paul has shown much better ability in several previous discussions and tests than on this paper, and I think he will be at the top of the class by the end of the course. However, his test papers will obviously lower his grades.

When encountering this situation, as usual, I asked my secretary to come and talk to me.

"Paul came not long after. He looked as if he had just had a terrible dream. When he sat down, I said to him: 'Paul, what's wrong with you? This is not true. The grades you deserve.'" Paul showed his inner struggle and looked at his feet and replied: "Sir, when you saw me cheating, I almost collapsed and couldn't concentrate on anything. . To be honest, this was the first time I cheated in college. I thought I must get a first-class grade no matter what, so I secretly read a reference book. ’ He was extremely frustrated. But now that he has said it, he will continue to say it. 'I think you are going to ask me to drop out of school because any cheating will result in expulsion from school. "Paul went on to talk about how this incident would bring shame to his family, ruin his life, and all the other negative consequences. Finally I said, 'Stop, let me explain: I didn't see you cheating.'"

I had no idea this was the problem until you came in to talk. It's deplorable. '"Then I continued: 'Paul, tell me what you want from you. What did you learn in your college life? ’ “He was calmer now, paused for a moment and said, ‘I guess my ultimate goal was to learn how to live, but I guess I failed miserably.

'"I told him: 'We can learn in various ways. I think you will be able to learn the lessons of real success from this experience.' "'When you cheat, your conscience seriously troubles you and makes you have Guilt. This feeling of guilt destroys your confidence. Like you said you're going to collapse. '"Paul, most people judge right from wrong based on a moral or religious point of view. I'm not here to preach to you about right from wrong, but let's look at the practical side of it. When you do anything that goes against your conscience, sin It blocks your thought process because you're constantly asking, 'Am I going to get caught? Am I going to get caught?' "'Paul,' I continued. : 'You are so eager to get first-class grades that you do things that go against your conscience. Likewise, you will encounter many situations in your life where you are so desperate to achieve A-level results that you try to do something that goes against your conscience. For example, one day you are so desperate to close a deal that you do whatever it takes to get a customer to pay for it. In doing so, the chances of success may be high, but what are the consequences? The guilt grips you, and when you meet the customer again, you feel uncomfortable and wonder if he has discovered that you have tampered with him. Your performance will also be messed up due to uncertainty, and you may not be able to do the second, third, and fourth business that keeps coming. As a result, the business done through deceit blocked many ways of making money. '"I went on to tell Paul about a once-prominent socialite who was haunted by a deep fear that his wife would find out he was having an affair. As a result, fear eroded his confidence and he couldn't do anything well.

I also reminded Paul that many prisoners were arrested not because of the clues they left but because of their appearance of guilt.

We all have the will to do good. When we go against that will, we put cancer into our conscience, eating away at our faith and spreading. So avoid doing anything that makes you ask yourself, 'I am. Will I get caught? Will I get away with it?

"Never destroy your confidence just to get an A grade.

I am pleased to point out that Paul by this time understood the practical value of acting rightly. I suggested he sit down and retake the exam. Then he answered the question that he was worried about being kicked out of school. I said, ‘I know the school’s rules very well. But if we expel all students who cheat in various ways, half of the professors will be unemployed. If all students with cheating thoughts were expelled, the school would be closed.

‘So, if you do me a favor, I’ll forget about this. '"'I'm very happy, he said.' "I walked to the bookshelf and took out a copy of "The Golden Rule Has Been With Me for Fifty Years" and said, "Paul, read this book before returning it to me, and see how the author relies on legitimacy." Acting to become one of the wealthiest men in America. '"

Napoleon Hill tells us that "acting rightly" can satisfy your conscience and build self-confidence. "Acting unfaithfully" will lead to two negative results: First, the feeling of guilt will Corroding our confidence. Second, sooner or later, others will find out and stop trusting us.

The following psychological principle is worth reading again and again: To build confidence, we must behave well.

Psychologist Dr. Klein once mentioned in his book "Applied Psychology": "Remember, actions guide emotions. You cannot control your emotions directly, you must first act selectively. This idea of ??avoiding common tragedies (such as marital problems and misunderstandings) has a practical basis in psychology.

If you act appropriately every day, you will feel the corresponding emotions appearing. As long as you and your partner can keep dating and kissing each other, and sincerely praise each other and be considerate to each other, there will be no worries about love.

You can’t only act in love and not feel love all the time. ”

Many psychologists tell us that we can change our mentality by changing our actual actions. For example, if you make yourself laugh, you will feel really funny. When you When you straighten your back, you will feel that you are excellent. On the contrary, if you put on a bitter face, see if you really feel depressed.

To prove that controlled actions can change your mood. It's easy. People who are shy when introducing themselves will have confidence instead of timidity after taking three very simple actions at the same time. First, reach out and hold the other person's hand eagerly.

Second, look the other person in the eye. Third, say, "It's nice to meet you."

These three simple actions will automatically eliminate shyness in no time. Confident actions produce confident thoughts. Therefore, if you want to think with confidence, you must first act with confidence. And act the way you want to act.

3 Believe that you are unique

You and I may not be the emperor or queen of a certain country, but as far as we are concerned, we are also very special people. Wouldn't it be a great thing if all the children in the world could feel special just because they live in this world? If we can overcome poverty and disease, the next step is to tell ourselves that in this society, the most important thing is the "name brand", which is the brand hanging on ourselves.

In this regard, Napoleon Hill conducted an experiment: In a seminar discussing adolescent self-esteem, he solicited 8 volunteers and asked them to stand in front of the class. I gave these 8 volunteers Individuals each have an "identity" card made of cardboard that they hang around their necks to show their imaginary identity in life.

On the front of each card, write its identity: baby, astronaut, coworker, rock star, baseball player, doctor, lawyer. Then, these 8 people were asked to rank in a row the identities they considered important.

As a result, this game, which was originally purely for fun, turned into "Star Wars". These eight students pushed each other and started a serious "identity battle". Everyone thinks they are the most important.

The "Astronaut" stood at the front of the queue first. He said: "I should be at the front, because the rest of you have not been to the places I have been. In addition, I will also serve for mankind." Find another habitable place, because the earth is too crowded now!” (students in the audience applauded) “Rock Star” came up and pushed “Astronaut” to second place (students in the audience shouted Cheers), he said: "I have already reached 'outer space', I make the most money, and I can buy you as the pilot of my private jet."

This is, " Baseball Player" walked up. "I think I should be at the front of the line. I make as much money as a rock star, and the health benefits of playing in front of big crowds every night of the season are great for you. ." (More cheers) Now it was "Doctor's" turn to come to the front of the line. "I should be ranked first, because when you are injured or sick, I am responsible for treating you, and I make a lot of money." (Not much applause) The lawyer came up. "I am the best, because I can make you go to jail, or save you from going to jail. You must use all your money to pay me." (Cheering) "Mother" came up. "I am the most important. Because I brought all of you into this world." (Not much applause) The "baby" also came up. "I should be first in line, because all of us were once babies before we became mothers, or anything." (Applause.) The last remaining ones are the "workmates." Serve as the "workmates." This student seems to know that he does not have to compete with everyone for ranking. He knows that as soon as he speaks, he will make the whole room laugh, even though this is just a game and all participants are voluntary. But the "workmate" knows that he will not be treated as the first. Moreover, every time he plays this game, the student who plays the "workmate" actively thinks that he is the eighth.

Before the eight volunteers returned to the class ranks, I stated what I really wanted from them: “I want you to position yourself according to your importance. But I’m not asking you to be like dog eating dog, everyone wants to be king, but I’m asking you all to hold hands, form a circle of mutual rebirth, and stand in front of everyone, no matter what he looks like or what he is engaged in. What a job. Each one of you has the same value as any other. ”

To their ears, this is a new kind of music; to their eyes, this is an unprecedented sight.

大 Most of the kids told me they had never heard anything like this before, and most adults had never heard it before, but it was a long time ago. .

In modern society, everyone is self-centered. This phenomenon is called "narcissism".

It is an extremely difficult journey to change from a "me"-centered situation to a "we"-centered era.

There is a huge difference between healthy self-esteem and narcissism.

The word "respect" means to value its value. As far as humans are concerned, I am convinced that this is the starting point and the first seed of all achievement. "Respect" is the basis of our ability. It enables us to love other people and accomplish a worthy goal without fear. Self-narcissistic satisfaction is a kind of realism and hedonistic self-worship. Self-respect is spiritual love. Why do we revere the power and magnificence of the sea, the vastness of the universe, the beauty of flowers, the magnificence of the sunset...but despise ourselves? Isn’t it the same Creator who created us? We have the ability to think, experience, change life circumstances, and love, so aren’t we the best of all?

Accepting who we are is the key to building self-confidence - that we are valuable, ever-changing, imperfect, growing individuals, and to know that, although Our physiology and psychology are not born fair, but we have equal rights to feel that we are excellent according to our own spiritual standards.

You are a masterpiece of the Creator, and you must always remember this secret: "We must be full of love in our hearts before we can give love to others."

Four. Use positive psychology Hints at building self-confidence

1. "Anyway" and "after all" are taboo words that can lead to loss of fighting spirit.

Anyway, it is a natural phenomenon for anyone with great consciousness and beautiful sentiments.

When work or study is not going well, most people often say things like: "Anyway," "After all," or "Anyway," such as: "Anyway, I think it won't work. After all, it won't work." In short, there is nothing I can do” and “I am not as good as him after all”. Examples like this are typical of the normalization of a state of rejection. Because these words have been spoken, things that could have been done cannot be done well. Saying "anyway", "after all", "no way" or "last resort..." as soon as you open your mouth means giving up your efforts or stopping thinking. Therefore, after saying these words, it means that my shortcomings have been normalized, forcing me to be unable to take a step outside, and being trapped in a small shell.

If you happen to be trapped in a useless inferiority complex, then you must immediately eliminate the two depressing taboo words "anyway" and "after all" from your daily conversations or articles. Even if these two taboo words come to mind, you should avoid actually applying them in order to increase your self-confidence.

2. To cultivate self-confidence, using affirmative expressions is the most effective.

Recently, a fruit merchant talked about interesting things in business. Because some fruits are difficult to judge from their appearance whether they are very sweet, so some customers asked the boss: "Is this watermelon sweet?"

"Are your oranges sweet?" In this case, if the fruit seller replies in an ambiguous tone:

"It's probably very sweet!" or "I don't think it's sour!" then seven or eight out of ten customers will turn around. Just leave.

However, if the same goods are expressed in a positive tone instead: "If the watermelons here are not sweet, where can I buy sweet watermelons?" "I will never sell watermelons that are not sweet here. ! "It's strange that these goods can be sold easily. Although this is a marketing technique in shopping malls, in fact, if you can use psychological principles to make customers believe that these watermelons or oranges are sweet to increase their confidence, you will surely achieve the goal of selling well. Similarly, if you want to cultivate self-confidence in your own heart, you must first use affirmation. This is a prerequisite. Just say: "It will definitely not be sour." Instead of saying: "Probably it won't be sour!" Use affirmation The tone of voice is undoubtedly the first step to success.

3. Using a positive tone can eliminate the feeling of inferiority.

Some women can't help but feel a certain sense of happiness when they face the mirror and see their own figure or skin color. On the contrary, some women are plagued by feelings of inferiority.

Although each other's skin color is dark, a confident woman will think: "My skin is wheat-colored, almost comparable to black hair."

And she must be secretly happy. However, a woman who lacked self-confidence groaned in pain: "What happened? My skin color is so dark." The mood of the two people was completely different.

Some women lose confidence when they see a mirror, and even break the mirror in anger. It can be seen that the standard of value judgment is a very subjective and vague phenomenon. As long as you think it's beautiful, you'll think it's beautiful when you look at it. If you think it's annoying, you'll find it unpleasant to look at. In particular, inferiority complex is often affected by language. Therefore, negative language is harmful to a person's mental health.

The author of "On the Nature of Things" is the great ancient Roman poet Lucretius. He advised people all over the world to praise dark-skinned women, saying: "Your complexion is as charming as a walnut." If you continue to praise the other person in this way, then the woman will not care even if she looks in the mirror again and again to dress up, or even knows that her skin is dark. This way, she can concentrate on her makeup and always feel like an attractive woman.

Then Lucretius advised us to change the word "skinny" to "lovely antelope" and "chattering" to "eloquent talent". Different languages ??can completely change the same facts and give people different psychological feelings.

In short, using positive or negative words can describe the same fact with completely different results. It can be seen that in the matter of wording, he is indeed a magician unmatched by any genius. In any case, as long as valuable wording or narrative methods are often used, the same fact can be completely changed. Of course, it can also get rid of the inferiority complex and make people enjoy a pleasant life.

4. If the wording is not beneficial to you, you can omit or use pronouns instead.

Use auto-suggestion to cure various diseases. The first person to discover this kind of mental treatment-Dr. Emile Kuhn of France told us that the secret of auto-suggestion is to avoid repeated use of substances containing Unhelpful wording with negative connotations. Instead of saying "the pain disappears, the pain disappears, the pain disappears", it is far better to say "the pain disappears, disappears, disappears". At least the latter sentence will not make people feel disgusted. Try to use as few negative and unhelpful stimulating words as possible, or even use no such words at all, to achieve a more suggestive effect.

This method should be used not only in psychiatric treatment, but also in our daily lives. We often see someone being anxious about taking an exam, and opening or closing his mouth to express the possibility of failing the exam, which unfortunately turns out to be true. From this we can see that it is better not to say such negative words. If you are unfortunate enough to lose your reputation and keep saying "repeat" and "miserable", then you are very likely to become a repeater in life, or a loser. If you encounter a time when you have to say something, you'd better use pronouns such as "that thing", "that incident", or "since then", or other alternative words, so that you can naturally put the unpleasant fact into words. Or get rid of the atmosphere.

5. Gradually abstracting the problem can make annoying things less annoying.

When we encounter unavoidable and annoying problems, we often feel depressed or anxious.

At this time, a "meaning theory" scholar named Ha Yaka taught us an excellent method, which is to use the "abstract ladder" or "stand by" method to eliminate depression.

In other words, any specific individual thing must have a higher abstract concept. For example, the tabby cat at home is a female cat, and the next step is a cat, and the next step is a cat, a mammal, and a vertebrate. As you continue to climb up, the original things will look very abstract.

For example, if you have an annoying supervisor A, you can also abstract him in the way of a tabby cat, that is, use A - oppressor - mammal - vertebrate - animal ——Biology and other abstract levels gradually drive away his annoying aura, resulting in the habit of "sitting aside". At this time, it is better to regard Director A as a vertebrate or creature than to regard Director A as A. It brings peace of mind. If you encounter a job you hate, you can also immediately think of the purpose of labor - to obtain a living wage - to live. Knowing how to think like this will also enable you to do things calmly.

People who are not good at words can think of it this way when they are distressed: information - transmission - content. If you know how to use the abstract ladder, you can eliminate the concreteness of uneasiness.

6. Use association games to help forget annoying things.

In many incredible psychological effects, in addition to the above-mentioned "abstraction", free association can also be used. For example, starting from the annoying things and gradually connecting the words that can be thought of, you can invisibly calm down the troubled or uneasy emotions.

The characteristic of free association is to start from a certain wording and connect the words that you can think of. That is, starting from the original sentence, a lot of unrelated words are involved. There is a Japanese writer named Inoue who specializes in association techniques. In his book "Edo Murasaki Source", he gives full play to the process of association, for example: "Bun → breast → woman → own daughter → it will be bad if you can't get married. →There was a customer who was an ideal young man→Forced his daughter to marry→Daughter’s marriage→Birth of grandson→Family reunion→Obtained pocket money from son-in-law→Enjoyed peace and happiness→Ended without any problems.” It can be seen from this that the famous writer of the Inoue family started to think about his future death from a steamed bun.

Lenovo is not alone in its demise. The psychological effects of association are boundless. In short, association is to start thinking about yourself first, and then gradually expand outwards, so that you can achieve the effect of free association. The self includes the core part and the surrounding parts. Once others touch the core part of oneself, it is easy to cause emotional reactions of anger and hatred. This situation is called "self-care" in psychology.

Association is to start from the core part of the self and gradually expand to the surrounding parts, so as to gain emotional liberation from self-care.

For example, if a person encounters a broken love, fails at work or exams, and desperately wants to forget these painful experiences, he might as well start free association with the most troubled object. Broken love → Lost love → Burnt love → Roasted chicken... If it is the name of a lover, you can still associate it freely, for example, forest field → gap in the wilderness → cave in the wilderness → trap → danger... Whether it is a broken love or a roast chicken, it can still be the object of association.

7. If you are troubled by negative images, use verbs to express yourself.

Usually, I often chat with people who suffer from inferiority complex and blush phobia. From their conversations, you can find that these people are simply mediocre because they think about certain things too thoroughly and too much. So profound that it turns out to be asking for trouble. Unless it is a very profound problem, you must seek liberation from these troubles.

If you stand in their position, you should express yourself not as a noun, but as a verb. They kept saying "I suffer from blushing phobia" or "I am a repeater". From their tone, we learned that these people express themselves in nouns and create a negative image of themselves.

This is to close yourself in a trademark that you create at will. So, he said, "I blush in front of strangers" and "My grades in school are not as good as others." His tone sounded like he had very low self-esteem. In fact, it was later discovered that he would only appear uneasy in front of the opposite sex. Among all his subjects, only mathematics was unsatisfactory, not that he was inferior to others in all subjects. If the affirmative noun can be turned into a verb in a partially affirmative way, then vague words such as "Maybe there is such a thing" can immediately become a clear tone, and can also be completely eliminated It’s a negative image that I created casually.