1. Today, I heard a girl say to a boy, "You are so dark, why are you carrying an umbrella?" The boy took a look at the girl and said, "I have the same purpose as you." The girl's face is black.
Today, I went out to play with my three-year-old nephew. A beautiful woman in a floral skirt walked in front of me. He ran directly to lift her skirt, touched her ass, and then ran over to me and said, Uncle, you also touch the black underwear you are wearing. . . .
Xiao Ming: "Dad, this is my first time cooking. Give it a try. " Xiao Ming: "How does Dad taste?" Dad: "Well, you have fried this salt, and it has a faint smell of eggs!" " Xiao Ming: "........."
4. A diaosi went up the mountain to find the master and said, Master, I have seen through the world of mortals. Please help me shave. Master: You come to see me for a haircut every month. How much can it cost to go out for a haircut?
I asked the teacher a question with my paper, "What should the teacher do with this question?" "Get out!" "Hey, how can teachers do this now?" I had to walk out of the ladies' room with a disappointed face.
6. I lined up at the ATM to withdraw money, and there was a super beautiful girl behind me. In order to show off in front of my sister, I chose English operation and deliberately let my sister see it. Finally, the ATM machine successfully swallowed my card. . .
7. When the teacher talks about power, he means it. She also quoted Yang Mi. Her parents' surname is Yang, and she is Yang Jiafang, so her name is Yang Mi. If there are three people surnamed Yang in the family, she can also call them Yang. . . Then Xiao Ming stood up and said, "No, it's Yang Yangyang!" " Teacher: Get out! ! !
8. I finally know why men like to hide private money, just to run away from home at a critical time. Anyway, I'm still wandering the streets penniless. It's all my fault that I met too late! ! !
9. My daughter is two and a half years old and likes to eat meat. Once she cooked dried beans and barbecue, we reminded her to eat more beans and less meat to avoid getting fat. While she kept digging meat into the bowl with a spoon, she pretended to be unhappy and frowned and said, why am I so unlucky? All I dug was meat.
10, one day my mother spoiled: I am my mother's intimate little cotton-padded jacket. She hugged her mother and was pushed away by her mother: don't wear a small cotton-padded jacket on a hot day.
1 1. Today, I saw that the team leader was not looking well and asked her, "What's the matter, the schoolbag was thrown out by Zhang Milk Powder?" "Nothing, it's just that my sister was picked up by a boy ..." As soon as I heard this, I immediately turned off the light and shouted at the players: "Look, is the team leader shining!" Team leader, stop! Don't hit your face!
12, I took my niece to take a taxi. My niece has to play with my mobile phone. After getting off the bus, my niece proudly asked, "Aunt, guess where I hid your mobile phone?" I smiled and asked, "Where is it?" "Hide the car!
13, go to the morning market to buy food. I saw the satisfactory celery. He asked, "Boss, how much is this dish?" Boss: "2 yuan a catty, I planted them myself." 3. There are no products. Green and environmental protection. . . "I wanted to talk about the price, so I asked," Do you sell 1.5 yuan per catty? " The boss immediately changed his face and said, "I can't even get in 1.5." "Do you still let me live?" Oh, I said boss, didn't you grow it yourself? . . . . Very contradictory.
14, I saw a Taobao comment today. Customer service: How about your clothes, sir? Customer: She is so handsome that my girlfriend will break up when she sees it. Customer service: I still have a girlfriend to sell here. Do you want one?
15, wife "How do you know that the four flies you killed were two males and two females?" "Because I killed two in the bottle and two in your mirror!"
16, that is, I forgot to bring money for dinner, and told the boss to make it up next time, but the boss didn't want it! When I got angry, I called 10 more guys and finally took all the money for the meal!
17, "Honey, who do you want our children to be more like?" "I like anyone, just don't be like me, short and ugly!" "Well, why didn't you say so earlier? Scared me! "
18, I heard that a man with a woman said that there was only one room, and the man tipped the waiter 100 yuan. Today, a man brought a woman to check in and asked me if I had a room. I just blinked. I immediately got the message and said, "Sorry, there is only one room." I just heard the man say, "Oh, well, let's change." Playing cards is totally unreasonable.
19, cook at noon, scramble eggs, put the pot on the fire, and then knock eggs. When the egg was knocked, I saw the pot on the fire, which was full of smoke. I quickly poured the eggs into the pot until I was dizzy and forgot to put oil in the pot.
20. Bajie was banished to the world, met the Tang Priest, and worshipped him after passing Gao Laozhuang. One day, the Tang Priest asked, "Pig, why are you here?" "I remember one day after drinking, the Jade Emperor asked me to finish my daily tasks," Pig said. I was so stupid that I misunderstood. "
2 1. How ugly is the photo on the ID card? Let's put it this way: if you meet a policeman on duty, please show me your ID card, or we will shoot! I would say, drive.
22. Before leaving, the woman's mother told her that "the honeymoon must be reserved and you can't sleep naked at night!" A month later, they came back. The groom asked his mother-in-law, "Mom, why does your daughter always sleep in a hat at night?"
23. I remember coming back a few days early from my last business trip. I was drunk with my buddies before I went home. I'll go back and knock. It was a man who opened the door. I saw it was a beating. The man kept apologizing and then ran away. I woke up the next morning and found that it was not my wife lying in bed, but my neighbor's wife. Haha, I really enjoy the consequences of getting drunk and entering the wrong house.
24. I met an old classmate in the street. A woman was holding a child and thought it was his wife and child. To put it mildly, this child looks just like you! Then I felt that my classmate and the woman were shocked at the same time, and then I heard the woman whisper, brother-in-law, is it really obvious? this ......
25. I like going to the bank in summer. On the one hand, you can rub the air conditioner, on the other hand, you can check the balance, so that your body and mind will suddenly be much cooler.
26. I pulled a young female passenger today, handsome and beautiful, with a short B skirt. I asked her, "Where are you going?" Then I took another look. The girl is unhappy. what are you reading? Drive! I said, "I see you're wearing a skirt instead of a bag. Where did you get the money? " The girl lifted her skirt and pointed to the elastic band on her underwear and said, "From here! ! ! ! "
27. Two scum are talking about college. A said, "I want to take the Fudan exam." B said, "If you can get into Fudan, I'll get into Peking University." A: "Then I'll take the Tsinghua exam." B: "I'm going to Cambridge." A: "I'm going to Oxford." A buddy came over and said, "Who will take the Oxford exam?" A: "I." He said: "This is your beef tendon, one * * * twenty-five, and a kidney. How about it? "
28. Just now, while waiting for the elevator, I met a beautiful woman dressed in fashion and looked at her from head to toe. Then I said to her, "Beauty, what is this for?" Beauty: "Send fast food" me: "But I see you have nothing except a bag?" Beauty: "..." "Take all the goods away, and get quick results with less investment!" Me: ...
29. In a senior high school entrance examination, a candidate fell asleep and the teacher didn't call him. But half an hour before the next examination room, the teacher woke him up and said, "Students, get up and dry the papers, or you won't be able to bind them."
30. That year, 18 told herself with tears that she must find a better girl than her. A few years ago, 26 cried and said that I must find a good woman. Last year, 29 said with a wry smile that I must find someone. I'm 30 years old and still a virgin. I don't think it really matters whether I'm human or not. .
I didn't like eating when I was a child, which led to my short stature now. I like eating now, which makes me fat and short.
1. The most beautiful thing is not the rainy day, but your shelter roof.
2. A close person is suddenly unfamiliar and his hope is completely lost. This feeling is like drinking cold water and setting himself on fire.
You have never been in this play, but I lost myself.
I didn't like eating when I was a child, which led to my short stature now. I love eating now, which makes me fat and short.
There are 100 people out of 100. I am an angel and a bitch.
6. From a small woman to a big woman, it is because of helplessness; Returning from a big woman to a small woman is because of happiness.
7. Time takes away our past and our past.
8. Only when you are down and out will you know who is a fool who is worried about you and who is a stranger's asshole.
I met you very late, but I will stay with you for a long time.
10. From staying with me for a long time to drinking with me, from loving you to being by your side, from moving to letting go.
1 1. He is still here, but this life has nothing to do with me.
12. If I get you as easy as blowing off dust, I won't be sad even if you run away with someone else, but if I try my best to get you, do you know not to let anyone touch your possessiveness?
13. I only have one youth. I don't want to disappoint anyone. You are sincere to me.
14. The story is not touching enough, but the storyteller always cries.
15. Every girl has a dress in her closet called: I used to be poor and now I feel ugly.
16. Stay with whoever is comfortable, regardless of friendship and love.
17. Why do you sleep in class? Because we young people need dreams.
18. No matter who we are, I always feel that it is immoral for God to try to cool us down and freeze us into dogs without our consent.
19. At that time, I was also an infatuated seed, but I was drowned by a heavy rain.
20. When I was young, I finally woke up in this glass of wine full of north wind.
Interesting and personalized classic mood phrases
Interesting and personalized classic mood phrases
1. According to the pig's aesthetic, you are basically a handsome guy.
I'm not Liu Yiyang, but I want her Bitang Qian Jia to be happy.
I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.
Don't use honey traps on me, or I'll play along.
5. Just because you cry doesn't mean you are really compassionate; Just because I smile doesn't mean everything is fine.
6. What is happiness? You eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones!
7. I don't want to be an episode in your life, I just want to be a perfect ending in your life.
This is either my brother's or my sister's. I tell you, my sister is a miracle.
9. I don't want to run three, but I don't have enough money to run two!
10. Muddle around with money at school and spend working hours.
1 1. When you come, I will pretend that you have never left; You go, I will pretend that you have never lived in the future.
12. In the first half of 22 years, I was rejected three times and twice, and now I lead 3:2.
13. You are calm because you are not afraid of death. I am calmer than you, because I am not afraid of death.
14. If I win 5 million, I think I'd better donate it to my account.
15. Go, Bai Zhi, I can't bear to part with Han Hong!
16. It turns out that even laughing after being sensible is so tired.
17. Don't cry at my grave. Dirty my path of reincarnation.
18. The whole youth is used to review youth, and the whole life should be used to doubt life.
19. Life is: life, life.
20. If you think you are awesome, you must be stupid.
2 1. The most attractive person is Master Kong, and thousands of people are hitting on him every day.
22. Who didn't love a few animals when I was a child?
23. How can they call you a pig? This is outrageous! You can't judge a book by its cover! How can you say you look like a pig? That's an insult to pigs.
24. I am small-minded, but I don't lack it. I have a good temper, but I don't lack it!
25. Time is unconscious, and we only know it later.
26. Are you motivated to go to school just for a girl you like?
27. Men who go to bars are looking for excitement, while women are mostly looking for excitement.
28. I was right. Take this medicine and be sure to go to the toilet. More benefits. I'll talk about this later. Go to the bathroom first.
29. whether the coat is clean or not, others pay attention to the collar, and the wife pays attention to the pocket.
30. The society is simple, but people are complicated.
3 1. I remember all the people who care about me. I have nothing, but my conscience is definitely there.
32. You look fresh!
I am a bird. I want to fly, but I can't fly high. Huh? I have no long hair.
It takes thousands of years to change from a monkey to a human, and only one bottle of wine is needed to change from a human to a monkey.
35. When you can't read any more, take out the mirror and meditate: After all this, you still can't learn well.
36. Why don't you study bulletproof vests with your face?
37. I am not as perfect and strong as you think. Money and beauty are enough to conquer me!
38. After meeting me, you will suddenly find that handsome can be so single-minded.
39. Boys are strong to express themselves, while girls are strong to protect themselves.
40. When the primary school exam was issued, a lesbian next to her said: I have a teacher. Teacher: Whose is this? The deskmate shouted "It's mine."
4 1. Nice to see a young man. I'm going to Thailand first, then to Korea, and finally to marry him.
42. Let the storm come more violently, and let those MM who wear miniskirts dare not go out.
43. I can bear hardships. I have achieved the first four words, which proves that I have achieved 80% hardship?
44. Do I know you well? Just play a video if it's okay. Think of it as your TV, and it will pop up when you press it.
Funny phrases with personality and egg pain
Funny phrases with personality and egg pain
1. Life is like a news broadcast, and you can't escape by changing the channel.
Don't call me old-fashioned, I said retro. Don't call me vulgar, I call this a nation.
Don't tell me to forget you, I don't remember you at all.
Take a closer look at my slap. It really suits your face.
Smart people play jokes on themselves, while stupid people play jokes on others.
6. I log on QQ every day not to chat, but to see if he is here.
Secret love is a courtesy, narcissism is a pride, love is a style, and not love is a taste.
8. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but that I am in Sina Weibo and you are in Tencent Weibo.
9. If you push me again, I will feed you Sanlu.
10. Be a boy and marry a girl like me in the next life.
1 1. Waiting is an expectation, an attachment and a yearning.
12. naturally change boyfriends in different seasons.
13. Have more happiness and less troubles. Sleep when you are tired and laugh when you wake up.
14. The deleted person will not be added for the second time. Men who get dumped don't look twice.
15. I can't learn your free and easy, so I can't escape the pain you gave me after all.
16. Women, the most terrible time is not to show off, but after taking off makeup.
17. Learning is like garbage, it will only accumulate.
18. Some things can't be said, but I know in my heart that some things can't go back, but I once existed.
19. Life is not simple, try to live simply.
20. Some things take time to mature, and some people finally know.
2 1. Love, like two people pulling a monkey's rubber band, always hurts the one who gives up. ...
22. For immature people, freedom is hasty.
23. I want to be oxygen and the courage you must live. I want to be air and a necessity for your survival.
I stand where there is light, but I can't see the sun.
The summer vacation is not over yet, and I am already looking forward to the winter vacation.
26. Everyone is like a blank sheet of paper, filled out by God and thrown into the trash can, but everyone has a colorful past!
27. Every section of the road is an understanding.
28. The three words that make people cry most easily are "Don't cry".
29. The most painful thing in the world is that you are awakened by a deep sleep.
30. A person holds his breath and smirks mercilessly.
3 1. Yue Lao, can you stop holding my hand with inferior red lines? It breaks down from time to time.
32. Actually, I'm not stupid. I'm just too lazy to be smart.
33. Heartless is better than heartbroken.
34. The price of the tomb has risen so fast that I can't afford to die.
35. Your head is black and my mood is gray.
36. I am a selfish child, so selfish that I think you are mine.
37. From this second on, I will live mercilessly.
38. Although wrestling hurts, it doesn't hurt so much to see others fall together.
39. Learn to disguise, but learn not to be strong.
40. The real marriage law that can prevent divorce is: after divorce, the house belongs to the state.
4 1. Why did I learn to be heartless and you started talking to me again?
42. Since I blacklisted you, my heart has stopped hurting, my eyes are no longer sore, and the whole person has a spirit. I am so happy squatting in the corner.
Remember, not all fish live in the same sea.
44. Tomb-Sweeping Day, it is not easy for students to have a holiday these days. Even vacations should be moved by their ancestors.
45. The man who loves me the most in the world has gone with his mother.
46. Friends are like RMB, both real and fake. Unfortunately, I'm not a money detector.
47. Sleeping is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing it.
48. I am proud, proud that the earth is still being trampled by me.
Dear, let's dye our hair white together, so that we can grow old together.
50. Youth is like toilet paper. I felt a lot when I used it, but it disappeared after I used it.
5 1. The cat said to the mouse: I tried to protect you but forgot that I was a cat.
52. Since people get tanned, their faces look good, their teeth turn white, and they don't blush after drinking wine.
53. When someone opens the window, flowers come. I opened the window, and with a bang, some plastic bags flew in.
54. I really miss my childhood. I can go shirtless like a man when it is hot.
55. When you do something right, no one will remember it; When doing something wrong, even breathing is wrong.
56. Once upon a time, there was a piece of ice that melted while walking.
57. The national game of China should be football, because it is always played at home, not abroad.
When I have money, I will buy a bus and drive it to the bus stop every day. If someone gets on the bus, I'll say I'm sorry. This is a private car.
59. Nowadays, men are more and more feminine.
60. When you are lovelorn, use your mobile phone as a lighter to light a cigarette and use it as a TV remote control.
6 1. When I was a child, if someone kept staring at me, I would blush. Now whenever someone stares at me, I make him blush.
62. Love is a game, and sometimes you have to play G.
63. A woman's clothing ratio is her posture, and a man's clothing ratio is abnormal.
Beethoven told us that the more you recite, the more you score.
65. Don't say that you will change, it will hinder my pace and waste my youth.
66. Every cautious man will put the fast broadcast icon in my document favorites.
67. If I go down one day, remember that I will come up for you.
Jimmy wrote in the book that I always meet the most beautiful surprises in the deepest despair.
69. Part I: You are the headmaster, and Part II: I am a teacher. Horizontal batch: two idiots.
70. Every time you don't take a taxi, there are many cars ahead, and you never get a taxi.
7 1. Although I can't help all beings, I can hurt all people.
72. Life is beautiful only when it comes out, but it is not brilliant when it comes out!