Text/Liu Chushi

1

There are always some girls around who accidentally marry scumbag men and live a very painful life.

Do you remember? Last year, an infuriating thing happened in Shanghai: an idle scumbag killed his wife and hid her body in the refrigerator. After the murder, he used his wife's credit card to open a house with another woman. The cruelty of his methods, the viciousness of his heart, and his low character make people feel heartbroken for the girl.

Although there are not many extreme cases like this in married life, there are also many people like this girl who are trapped in unhappy marriages.

I know a woman, let’s call her Xiaoyuan. She is short, average-looking, and falls in love with a handsome man.

This man happened to be down and out. Seeing that she had hundreds of thousands in savings, he coaxed Xiaoyuan into marrying him quickly with sweet talk. Xiaoyuan was looking forward to a better life, but she didn't expect that the suffering would really begin.

After the marriage, the man quickly squandered all of Xiaoyuan's money, and from time to time forced Xiaoyuan to give him the money she earned from running her small business. The man was idle, relying on the small garden to eat and drink, and was beaten and scolded, which was extremely humiliating. Later, Xiaoyuan couldn't bear it anymore and filed for divorce.

Unexpectedly, the man not only refused to divorce, but also ran to her parents' house with two knives and threatened her parents' lives.

Whoever marries such a scumbag will be unlucky.

The question is, does a scumbag start becoming a scumbag after he gets married? Not so. It is unlikely that a person's basic character will fundamentally change before and after marriage. Why did such a scumbag fall in the eyes of girls?

2

I have a friend who lives happily with her husband.

Before getting married, there were many people pursuing her. One of them was tall, handsome, very rich, and very kind to her, but his friend finally rejected him.

When asked why, a friend said that once she agreed to go out for dinner with him, but found that this man spoke very vulgarly. Although he was not a bad person, his quality was not much higher. If we live together in the future, it will be difficult to communicate on the same channel.

A smart woman is good at judging a relationship before it even begins, and dares to give up what is not suitable for her.

We are not sure that we can see the true face of everyone. After all, people are very complicated, but at least we should not make mistakes in the general direction. Otherwise, by the time you regret it, you may have been in it for the rest of your life.

Some women dare to marry this man even though their boyfriend has taken action before they got married; the man is good at eating, drinking, prostitution and gambling, but is greedy for the man's handsomeness and wealth, and eventually falls into the quagmire of marriage; the man is narrow-minded Although you are paranoid, you still enter the door of marriage with him...

Girl, how thoughtful you are.

3

Many marital problems can actually be avoided by having snacks before marriage. Girl, keep your eyes open before marriage and learn to recognize people, which are essential skills for entering a happy marriage.

(1) Don’t sacrifice the good for the bad

There is a girl among relatives who has outstanding appearance and ability. When her parents chose a partner for her, their goal was very clear. They must be rich. As long as you have money and can make a lot of money, everything else is easy. The man she finally married was rich, but he liked to gamble. He spent all his savings quickly after the marriage and even went into debt. After years of quarrels, life couldn't go on any longer, so they had to divorce and take their children to live with their parents.

There is a view in psychology that apart from meeting basic needs, our happiness does not depend on the amount of money in our bank account. What affects future happiness is whether two people can understand, care for and support each other in a marriage.

There is nothing wrong with looking at people’s material conditions. After all, everyone wants to live a better life. However, the relatives only see the external conditions, but ignore the examination of some basic qualities of the marriage partner. They sacrifice the good and the bad, which ultimately leads to the failure of the marriage.

In addition to money, external conditions also include appearance, occupation, social status, etc. Don't think that handsome guys are good at everything, or that college teachers are of high moral character. You'd better break these stereotypes, open your eyes and take a good look at the person in front of you.

(2) Look at the other party’s bottom line

Everyone has heard of the bucket law, which says how much water a bucket can hold does not depend on the longest board. Rather, it depends on the shortest piece of wood. This law is also suitable for "recognizing people".

The reason why girls meet unkind people is because they often only see the longest piece of wood in the other person (that is, the advantages), such as being handsome, being able to talk sweetly, being rich, etc. , while ignoring that they also have shortcomings (i.e. shortcomings) such as being lazy, loving gambling, and prone to violence.

A word of advice for girls: Whether the other party is reliable or not often depends on the shortest board. Because this means where a person’s bottom line is. A person who has no bottom line or a very low bottom line must have bad conduct and everything he does will be marked as bad, and marriage is no exception. Such a person, no matter how prominent his longboard is, should stay away decisively.

(3) See each other through daily life

Most girls who fall in love will have an illusion: This man loves me and he can bring me happiness. They usually don't see each other's problems. They regard each other's sweet words as love, and regard each other's shamelessness as care. They believe that in the world of love, she will always be the most special one in each other's eyes. When love doesn't meet reality, it always looks like it can't live without you.

But girl, don’t forget that both parties in love are in an abnormal state under hormonal stimulation. Only when the love is over and you return to daily life will you see the other person's true appearance. Never be blinded by love when you are in love, making you unable to see the other person's face clearly.

I know a man. When he meets someone who has power and is useful to him, he will try his best to flatter him, serve him carefully, and can lower himself to the dust. In the mouths of these people, , he is a very good person. But when there is no purpose, he will not even suffer a big loss. When the courier brother called him and asked him to go downstairs to pick up the courier, he would force others to deliver it; he would often blame others for his own duties, even if the other party had helped him.

I can't help but worry about his wife. If there is a conflict in the marriage, what will this person look like?

(4) Learn more about each other’s family

Marriage is not a union of two people, but a union of two families. The quality of the other party's family directly affects the quality of the future marriage.

In the past few years in the community, I often saw a young woman sitting on the grass holding her child and wiping her tears. This woman's mother-in-law would always say bad things about people she met on the street, and she was mean and very angry. Moreover, the mother-in-law's husband passed away very early and she only had one son and she had to live with him. Looking at this situation, this young woman does not know how much grievance she will suffer in her married life.

And one of my colleagues is much smarter. When she and her husband first started falling in love, she used it as an excuse to look through photo albums and learned a lot about her husband's family. After getting married, her relationship with her husband's family became much smoother.

4

Some girls have to say, love is blind, fate will come when it comes, and these so-called skills of knowing people cannot stop it. Sometimes love can be crazy, but marriage must be sensible.

Many women are suffering in marriage due to various reasons. If you think about their pain, you will not think that it is so difficult to be rational in the face of marriage. Sometimes, once you make a mistake and look for the way back, even if you feel hurt and sad, you will find that you can never go back. We need to be prepared before doing anything. Why can't we spend more time on the important matters of marriage that affect your life?

Girls, please remember this sentence: If you are lazy before marriage, it will become a hardship for you after marriage.