Why am I an ordinary person with a mortal body? Because I was born and raised by mortals, I have mortal blood flowing in my body, and I have mortal flesh and bones. As we all know, if you are a mortal with the naked eye, you will have the character traits, hobbies, ways of thinking, and various despicable personalities of ordinary people. Then you should know what kind of person you are and what kind of things you should do. Over the years, I have not understood myself, or even known myself at all.
What kind of character traits do ordinary people have? Lazy and incompetent, despicable, stubborn, cruel, impetuous, wishful thinking, love-hate, weak at heart, ambitious, sentimental, impatient, emotional, self-respecting, careless, arrogant, indecisive, and unsociable , poor adaptability; lustful, greedy, indolent, daydreaming; rote memorization, rigid thinking, stick to rules, easy to forget.
I have these personality traits and they appear over and over again. I am a real ordinary person, and I cannot overcome these weaknesses. I am even the lowest person.
? I am a lazy and incompetent person. Since I was a child, I have not insisted on the best thing, even getting up early or writing. Now I am 27 years old and still have accomplished nothing.
? In terms of academics, although I have been studying for more than ten years, I even tore up my university diploma. I failed to achieve my ambition in the two college entrance examinations. The postgraduate entrance examination could have realized my ambition for the first time. I'm working hard. In fact, I'm working hard every day. It just looks like I'm working hard. I have been preparing for the exam full-time for a year for the second time, but I still can’t change my bad habits. Is it necessary for me to persist in the remaining days? What will be the consequences of persisting like this? Even if you get a master's degree from Peking University, what will happen if you always study mechanically?
? In terms of career, I don’t know what I want to do in the future. I want to take the civil service examination and join politics, but I can’t even read a few books for the postgraduate entrance examination. What else can be done? As the saying goes, the king governs the prime minister, the prime minister governs the officials, the officials govern the officials, and the officials govern the people. How can I govern the world if I can't even manage a few books in a year? How can you build a career if you can't read well?
In terms of personal property, I often overestimate my abilities. As a result, I owe more than 70,000 yuan to the bank so far. After finishing my freshman year in 2013, it happened to be the time for the college entrance examination. I have always been worried about the college entrance examination and wanted to do it again, so I chose to take a break from school and return to society to see what kind of person I am and whether I can persist in doing a good job. This incident happened, but it took me a year to make 10,000 yuan. At the same time, I learned to buy funds and apply for a credit card. From then on, these two gates made me unable to extricate myself.
Because I had not achieved my goals in society, I had no choice but to give up the idea of ??dropping out of school under the persuasion of my teacher. After I returned to school, I was still obsessed with everything in that school and felt depressed every day. Because I had saved some money in society, I used the money to pay for tuition. The tuition was 12,000 yuan. Logically speaking, I had no money left, but I thought I had about 5,000 yuan left. So when I was bored, I bought funds from China Construction Bank, starting with a few hundred yuan and then slowly investing thousands of yuan. I didn’t know that I had no money anymore, but I still had to spend money every day, so I cashed out the first credit card and used it, and at the same time, I kept applying for credit cards. The only purpose was to get rich quickly and use the bank’s money. I came to buy funds from the China Construction Bank and currency futures from the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China, etc. I thought I was very smart, but I didn’t expect that I was a very stupid person. I thought that I could use the time difference to make money by using a credit card to cash out in Taobao stores and then repay the money on schedule.
What I never expected was that during the winter vacation, I felt that I could no longer make ends meet, and even relied on borrowing money to live every day. However, I still did not give up and applied for a credit card, still buying funds. Later, for some reason, I came across a website called Tiantian Fund, and I felt like I could make more money there than China Construction Bank, so I started investing thousands in it. At the beginning, China Construction Bank and Tiantian Fund websites were still profitable, and they could see hundreds of profits every day.
Of course I started to daydream, thinking what if I owed the bank such a small amount of money, wouldn't I be able to pay it off with interest in a few days? If you think so, that's fine. I said that I am an ordinary person. I have the nature of this group and I will be greedy by nature. Later, I saw that the fund stocks were rising every day, so how could I be willing to sell them? So I still invested money in it, thinking that even if I lost half of the money, I would be fine as long as I persisted. Unexpectedly, before the Spring Festival holiday of that year, the stock price dropped sharply. All the money I made in my account was gone, and I lost thousands of my principal. At that time, I was still thinking that it didn't matter. If I didn't believe it, it would keep falling. I waited like this for three more days, but in the end I couldn't bear it anymore and I just lost thousands of dollars. In the following years, he still remained stubborn and ended up demolishing the east wall to make up for the west wall.
Because I couldn’t read in high school, I ended up going to a very unsatisfactory university. However, I was unwilling to give up and wanted to drop out, but I didn’t have the perseverance, so I still achieved nothing by doing this or that. You said you wanted to get into Tsinghua University, or you could drop out of school and retake the college entrance examination. But even though you have food rations after dropping out, your study tasks have not been completed, so you have no choice but to drop out. If you don't drop out and study English well in school, you can pass the postgraduate examination and realize your dream. But in the end, you go to invest? Losing so much money. You find that I am a confused person, and a person who is unwilling to think. If you want to study, you should study steadily, but I can't persist for that long. I will do this today and this tomorrow. In the end, nothing will be accomplished. The debt is tens of thousands of dollars.
My heart is unstable, my mentality is immature, and I can’t do anything. The mind is confused and thoughts are confused. I want to do this today, persist for a few days, and then quit; I want to do that tomorrow, persist for half a month, and then quit. I don't know what I am doing or what I want to do. The first time I took the postgraduate entrance examination, I looked like I was working hard on the surface, but in fact it just looked like I was working hard. I thought that when I graduated and had my own time, I could devote myself to reviewing for the postgraduate entrance examination, but I didn’t expect that I would actually have time to calm down.
When I had time to make my own decisions after graduation, things were not as simple as I imagined. I left school after receiving my diploma in July 2017. At that time, I thought that I finally left this school, and I could study in peace and complete my dream of Peking University. After graduation, I worked in an intellectual property agency in Beijing. Because I was worried about it, working was a kind of torture. Later, after New Year’s Day in 2018, I simply quit my job. I originally planned to resign after I came back during the Chinese New Year. But I can’t wait even after working for half a year.
After resigning, I focused on studying English at Beijing University of Political Science and Law to prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination in 2019. I can’t control that much about the debt of 20,000 yuan.
I thought I would only have to pay off this small amount of debt, but I didn’t expect that I would have to renovate the house again. My uncle lost about 500,000 yuan in a pyramid scheme. I was originally a debtor. What should I do now? If I don’t use money to do things, my mother will bear all the burdens at home. I had no choice but to say that I was working in Beijing for 5,000 yuan a month and food and accommodation were included. Telling them not to worry was actually lying to them, because I didn't want them to worry. At the same time, I wanted to show my aunt and uncle that studying is useful. When I was in junior high school, they had been persuading my mother not to allow my brother and I to study. They said that if our family was so poor, we might as well just go out to work. After studying, we would not go out to work. My aunt worked in a factory in her hometown after graduating from junior high school, earning a monthly salary of 2,000 yuan. In 1982, my uncle went out to work before graduating from junior high school. More than 10 years later, he came back with nothing but a wife. They didn't study but they always looked down on people who were scholars, saying that studying was useless. Anyway, they always looked down on my mother. After my uncle won the RMB 1 million lottery in 2008, he started to look down on my family even more. He even stopped calling me mom. For such a lucky person, all 1 million was gone in less than ten years. My uncle and my aunt were both greedy and lost all their money after engaging in pyramid schemes for three years. Now they have turned against each other. My uncle owes a debt of 500,000 yuan, and my aunt owes me a debt of 500,000 yuan because of pyramid schemes. He lost a lot of money and was often beaten by his uncle.
The desperate uncle began to ask my mother for help. My mother was soft-hearted and wanted to help him, but what should I do if my family owes so much money for building a house? I had no choice but to go to the bank and borrow another 10,000 yuan from my uncle. I also borrowed 20,000 yuan from my family.
Originally, I could get less than 3,000 yuan per month from working in Beijing. I also had rent and food, and I had to repay the loan. What's more terrible is that I wanted to study full-time for a year and quietly take the postgraduate entrance examination. Now that I have nothing, how can I review for the postgraduate entrance examination? How can I have the food to review with peace of mind?
You may think that since you don’t have that much salary, you should tell the truth to your family. I also want to tell my family. But think about it, a college student who reads so many books is not as good as a college student or a college student. No one graduated from junior high school. Doesn’t this make my uncle and aunt even more contemptuous? Some people would say why build a house if you don’t have money? In fact, it is impossible to build it without money. The problem is that my brother joined the army and returned with tens of thousands of yuan in retirement pay. If I don’t use this money to renovate the house, I think my uncle will definitely pester me to borrow money to pay off the debt. . At first, I wanted my brother’s money to help me pay off my debts first. I thought that now that I have graduated, I would still have to pay for my family’s money. After all, I couldn’t pay for these debts. There was no need to let my family know, and I didn’t want my mother to know. Know. My father is an idle man and has never helped the family with the financial burden over the years. Only my mother works outside for others to earn money to support the family. I want her to retire early and don't want to put so much financial burden on her.
? When family burdens and personal ideals are intertwined, I cannot study with peace of mind, not to mention that I have tens of thousands of debtors. But driven by my dream, I couldn’t control so much. Even if I had to repay the loan every day, I still had to review for the postgraduate entrance examination. Later, I did statistics and found that in March 2018, I owed almost 40,000 yuan in debt to the bank.
At that time, I thought, if I calculated it this way, I would owe a debt of 90,000 yuan to the bank when it was almost time to take the exam in Beijing. It’s not too late to take these three years after I graduate from graduate school. This year I must be admitted to Peking University for graduate school.
However, problems often occurred at home, which prevented me from studying with peace of mind. In April, my uncle went to my house again and asked my mother to lend him money to pay off his debts, otherwise the bank would come and seize his home. My family asked me for help again. I was on the verge of tears. I didn’t even pay back the money I owed. I relied on borrowing money from credit cards every day. How could I still be able to help others? My mother was also soft-hearted. I owe tens of thousands to build a house and yet I want to help others. They didn't know what I was like outside and thought I had plenty of money. I can't just eat whatever I want every day, because I have to pay for it in the future.
In May, my mother got gastroenteritis and her stomach ache was very severe. Currently, in our family, only my mother works outside to support the family, and my younger brother is attending a private university. I was in great pain at the time. My family had no financial resources. Should I give up my job and help my family get through this difficult time?
Later, my mother came home from Wenzhou to see a doctor. The first X-ray was taken to check for errors. My mother thought she was better after eating some, so she went to work in Wenzhou again. Within two months, I had severe stomach pain again, and I had no choice but to go to the hospital. It turned out that I needed to have surgery. Oh my God, I was going crazy. I didn't know what to do. My family had so much debt and I was borrowing money to live. If my mother undergoes surgery this time, I will definitely have to pay another 10,000 yuan to the bank to help my family get through this difficult time. But in this case, my credit card limit will be completely gone, and I will not even have the limit to borrow money for food in the future. What should I do?
I was so anxious at the time. I didn’t know what to do. My brother still had to study. My mother has passed away. It is impossible for our family to live on credit cards. On the other hand, I can’t even deal with the pain of studying, and I don’t know what to do with the difficulties at home. This contradiction between reality and ideals made me distracted from reading the books again and again.
?Fortunately, my mother’s operation went smoothly. Although she spent 10,000 yuan in cash, she was reimbursed about 8,000 yuan. But after all, my mother needs to recover and cannot go out to work immediately. It’s already July here, and I haven’t learned English and law thoroughly yet. Because I have a poor foundation and no learning methods, I’m also impatient and unsteady. As a result, I either read this for several days in a row, or I don’t read it for several months. This one. This was repeated over and over again, and as a result, nothing could be remembered in my head. I was very anxious at the time and didn't know what to do. Every time I calm down, another problem appears within a few days. Either this or that aspect of interpersonal relationship problems, slowly I almost collapsed.
More importantly, I was borrowing money every day to live. By September, my total debt was more than 70,000. I was afraid to even eat, and I had no energy to review with peace of mind.
? Every time it’s time to pay the rent and pay off the credit card, I feel very frustrated because I have to borrow thousands from my credit card or Alipay to pay off the loan and pay the rent.
? On days like this, with such a mentality, how can I feel like persisting? With the pressure of life, the pain and contradictions of study, and the worries at home, I can’t calm down to endorse and do my homework.
? At the same time, I am in a very bad state of studying every day. I don’t get up in the morning. I play with my phone and watch movies at night until about 12 o’clock. During the day, I look at my phone from time to time to kill the tangled and painful mood. My study situation has completely deviated from my original intention. When I wanted to prepare for the exam full-time, firstly, I wanted to spend one year enlightening myself. Secondly, it was not only to be admitted to Peking University as a graduate student, but more importantly, to develop good habits in reading, living, and exercising. Get used to taking up positions in the future and make full preparations for your future career. But by September and October, I still haven’t achieved the goals and objectives I want. What’s the point of persisting? If I can't achieve the goal I have in mind, what's the use of getting a master's degree certificate from Peking University in the future. China has never lacked mediocre Qingbei people. What it lacks is people who are talented, have independent thinking and personality, and can even create great value. Am I considered a talent? Not as good as a waste or a mediocre person.
? I have no perseverance in what I do. I promised to get up at 4:50 every day, but I only persisted for half a month and finally got up at 6 o'clock. Finally, I got up at 7 o'clock. I used to get up every morning to eat, but then I didn’t get up to eat for several months. What can such perseverance do? What can such an attitude accomplish? If you want to be a saint, you don’t even have the basic perseverance to be a good person and do things. How can you be a saint?
?I am afraid of the heat in summer, so I often read books in the classroom of China University of Political Science and Law with the air conditioner turned on. It is too hot outside to dare to come out to endorse. In winter, it’s too cold to get up in the morning, so I simply don’t eat. Take a break at noon and sleep until around 14:00. It seems like you are working hard every day, but have you actually asked yourself, what did you learn in one day? What do you know? What do you understand? Give me formalism, and I'll leave you without a book to read forever, and I'll keep you abject for the rest of your life.
?What can you do if you can’t stick to one thing? I went for a run every afternoon, and I never did it again for three months. Afraid of heat, cold, and bad mood are all reasons.
? I’m in a bad mood today. Let’s take a rest first. If I’m in a bad mood tomorrow, let it go. I have to take time to watch movies to relieve my mood during the holiday. If any big news comes later, I’ll go to Zhihu to comment. Sexual desire When I come, I'll watch porn first, ejaculate to relieve stress, and all kinds of things are bothering me. How can I have the mood to concentrate on reading and review full time?
?From March 1st to October 1st - 7 months, in such a long time, what did I stick to the end? During this period, except for expanding the debt to 70,000 yuan, nothing was obtained.
I am greedy. In the past 7 months, I have always been greedy. After buying funds and seeing profits, I kept adding more money, and ended up losing everything. Now I am reviewing for the postgraduate entrance examination. It's the same thing. I was in a good mood today, so I read chapters like this in this book for several days in a row. I wish I could master all the knowledge in one day.
I am lazy. For more than ten years, I have been trying to learn English well since junior high school, but as a result, I can’t even speak a few sentences in spoken English. The more I learn, the worse I get, but I never want to. I use my brain to memorize and my hands to write. I struggle with English every year but I am too lazy to learn it with my heart. From high school to now, I want to improve my learning ability and enter a higher education institution to do what I want to do, but now I don't even have the basic attitude towards learning. This kind of laziness, this kind of wanting to get something for nothing, and this self-contradictory mentality, if you have a successful life, it is simply unacceptable.
? I am lustful. I have always wanted to become a saint inside and a king outside, and cultivate my own character, but in the end, I can't resist my desires every time. I'm afraid of being distracted and don't want to fall in love, but sometimes I'm very envious of someone. I don’t want to have sex before marriage, but I often want to see a young lady when I have an attack. I want to restrain my desire and become an ascetic and improve my physical fitness, but I often can’t help but watch pornographic films and then masturbate. .
He restrained his desires again and again but broke the habit again and again, resisted pornography again and again but tried every means to find it. As the saying goes, the king governs the commander, the commander governs the generals, the generals govern the soldiers, and the soldiers govern the enemy. How can I govern others if I can't even govern myself?
My goal in life is to be a saint who is both a saint inside and a king outside. I must follow the example of Confucius. We must explore the origin of all things, summarize all things into one way of explanation, and return all methods to their origin. If I can't do something I think is useful, and I can't do it 100% well and to the point of perfection, I won't let myself get upgraded, and I won't let myself go. If I can't do small things well, no matter how small they are, I won't let myself go, because small things will become big things, and big things will be small things. If I cannot control all things, I cannot be dragged down by all things, let alone be controlled by all things.
What I want to do is to be a saint, not a mediocre person. What I want to do is to do small things first and then do big things. The postgraduate entrance examination can be achieved at the current level. It is not difficult to get into Peking University. The difficult thing is how to be a Saint, how to be a great man with independent thoughts, independent personality, great talents and great achievements.
?Tuesday, October 2, 2018
i?:JT