In fact, according to the cases and experiences we have come into contact with, most patients with depression are just "successful people", emitters of positive energy and sunny people.
I have a very good friend who committed suicide five years ago because of depression. All relatives and friends who received the news felt incredible, because according to secular standards, he had nothing to do with depression at all: good family conditions, progress, excellent academic performance, handsome appearance, strong body, great sense of humor, consideration for others, and everyone loves flowers ... that is the little sun in everyone's eyes.
It is difficult to associate such a "little sun" with depression, but tragedy did happen.
Recently, in the communication with Ms. Mao Aizhen, the founder of Shangshan Foundation, the first public welfare foundation in China that pays attention to mental health, depression prevention and knowledge popularization, I found that her son Shang Yubo (who has appeared in film and television works and dramas such as Du Lala's Promotion) is also such an excellent person.
So I think it is necessary to write an article, so that we can better understand depression and identify people with depression, so as to better help others and ourselves.
Before I list the performances, I hope you can remember three main points, which will greatly help you understand the following contents:
It is difficult for a person's class and occupation not to influence his cognitive, thinking and behavior patterns. Therefore, the family background that most of us teach us is actually a model suitable for his parents' class and occupation. If we still copy his parents' class and professional status when we grow up, then the probability of depression is relatively small; However, if you enter a new class because of opportunities such as education, work or marriage, the original model is no longer applicable, and the new model to adapt to the new class is still in the process of exploration and formation. At this time, it is very easy to have cognitive conflicts and entanglements, and people can easily fall into depression.
Therefore, if a person's native conditions are not very good, but he enters the competitive environment such as key universities, well-known enterprises and big cities because of special efforts or special talents, it is easy to fall into depression.
When studying, it seems that there are at least one or two students in each class. Others are happy when they get 60 points, and unhappy or even sad when they get 90 points. Some people think they are hypocritical, but this is actually their true feeling, because in their cognition, they should get at least 95 points, or even 100 points.
This is why successful people like Leslie Cheung, who have everything by secular standards, suffer from depression and even commit suicide, because the reference for their self-evaluation is God. In fact, people who are excellent are often so used to it that they have a strong fear of being not excellent, and they will also lose tolerance for being not excellent.
Many people were admitted to Tsinghua Peking University, and as a result, they suffered from depression. This is often the case: they were once top-notch in schools, counties, cities and even provinces. In this way, after a semester, they may rank 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, or even the bottom, which has a great psychological impact on people.
In the ascending passage, people will feel that "I am getting closer and closer to my ideal self", and that although it is not satisfactory now, there is still a chance, so he can tolerate his imperfections at this time, but once the ascending passage is blocked (which is almost inevitable), he will have to face up to the fact that he may not reach his ideal self all his life, and he is likely to collapse.
There are countless possibilities for a person to interact with the environment. If you look at it from a certain dimension, there is almost always a "better" way. It's a pity that people are not the Monkey King, they won't change seventy-two, and they won't do whatever they want. At this time, they need to "pretend". If the role they want to play is different from their natural state, the more energy they consume.
This kind of energy consumption and the excess income that can be obtained by "loading" form a dynamic and balanced hedging relationship. Many people can better measure this balanced relationship and make a moderate response by respecting their feelings, but for people with depression, they often pay more attention to the latter and ignore the former. In other words, they are more inclined to wronged themselves for "gain".
If we choose a job that we don't like or even are not good at in order to earn more money, then we have wronged ourselves. The more grievances, the more accumulated depression. After reaching a certain amount, it is depression.
Many people feel that their daily workload is not great, but they just feel particularly tired, which is why.
This is also the reason why some people are much more depressed after changing jobs.
For a long time, they have wronged their inner selves for the external environment, gradually cultivated a sense of powerlessness, overestimated their external strength and limitations, and underestimated their internal strength and resources, so "I also want to ... but ..." became their common sentence.
Because people with depression always distort themselves because of the environment, their "superego" is particularly powerful, just like a very strict inner parent, always supervising and admonishing him what to do, so it will naturally show up in their language and become various "should": what should I do, what should you do and what should he do. ...
This will not only make people with depression feel nervous when they are supervised and picky at any time, but also tend to worsen their interpersonal relationships, because most people don't like being under such pressure. Sometimes people with depression will let others feel that kind of aggression through their own emotional circulation channels such as expressions and aura, even if they don't say what others should do.
Because the inner parents are very demanding, people with depression will be very demanding of themselves.
In the process of management, I found that some people have no confidence in their work, but it is actually good enough for managers. This is a sign that they are demanding of themselves. They evaluate what they have done by their own "perfect standards", not by the needs of others, which will actually cause a lot of unnecessary investment, and will also make them drag their feet and delay delivery, even after delivery.
It is also very common in intimate relationships, that is, they feel that the other party is stupid, lazy and sloppy, and then accuse and attack the other party in an attempt to make the other party like themselves. But in fact, it's just that he externalized his inner contradictions. What he really can't stand is his stupidity, laziness and sloppiness. So such a person, if the relationship breaks down and the other person leaves and no one lets him project, then the attack will turn to himself and then enter a state of depression.
Similarly, because of the high self-demand, everything you do can't escape your eyes unless you use psychological barriers to stop it (even to the point of schizophrenia). Therefore, once you turn your critical eyes from others to yourself, you will find that you have problems here and you are not doing well there. If someone accuses him at this time, he will try his best to apologize. Even if others don't want to blame him, he will keep apologizing, even if it has nothing to do with others.
People with depression regard the ideal state as an achievable state, so they will try to find such an example in their work and life. Unfortunately, no one is perfect, so they will play a trick to deceive themselves: selectively amplify the advantages of others and ignore the shortcomings of others, thus creating a psychological feeling that others are good, but I am the worst. I didn't realize the fact that everyone's life is actually "a gorgeous robe full of lice" as Zhang Ailing said. Most people actually live in a muddle, don't know what they really want, are fragile, have their own obstacles, things they can't do, and people they can't love.
Because they always flatter others and belittle themselves, people with depression feel that others are more important than themselves, so they try their best to gain the recognition of these people, so as to get a kind of comfort that is as perfect as themselves. At the same time, they feel that others will not accept their true self because of their low self-evaluation, so they will try their best to please others in their own imaginary way, even if they make many sacrifices.
Because people with depression have low self-evaluation, they are afraid that others will not accept their true selves, and they will disguise themselves according to secular preferences, and they have a strong fear of exposing the opposite side. Therefore, because the general society will think that being strong is good and being weak is bad, people with depression will try their best to pretend to be strong, unwilling and afraid to show their fragile side in front of others. However, strong people are easy to fold, and such people often collapse suddenly because they are too depressed, which is also the reason why many strong people suddenly commit suicide.
Of course, being strong is only one dimension, and other dimensions include happiness, positivity, intelligence, slimness, beauty, wealth, masculinity and so on, which may become hotbeds of depression.
A depressed person takes perfection as the criterion, so he feels that the responsibility he should bear is actually the responsibility that a perfect person can bear. As a result, I took on too much responsibility, carrying a pot that originally belonged to others, even a pot that didn't belong to anyone. This tendency will naturally exercise their abilities well in the early stage, and people with depression can easily become leaders. But after a long time, the sense of fatigue and unfairness will accumulate more and more, making them more and more lazy and unable to bear the weight, thus causing their self-blame, forming a positive feedback cycle, and finally becoming depressed and crushing them.
Because depressed people are used to overestimating others, underestimating themselves and having a low sense of self-worth, they think that others will make better decisions and are more qualified to make decisions than themselves. On the other hand, patients with depression often compromise their feelings about the external environment, gradually become numb and lose contact with them, so when feelings play an important decision-making basis, they will be at a loss. So they often give the choice to others in their lives, such as the question "What do you want to eat". If others are present, they tend to let others decide.
Because there are many conflicts and entanglements in patients with depression, they may think more about a small matter, and all kinds of advantages and disadvantages in their minds, just like angels and demons, are at war at any time. This leads them to be in a very tired state for a long time, which is also the reason why they are difficult to make decisions and often prefer to give decision-making power to others.
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